The Feeling Underneath - Elisia - Wattpad

The Feeling Underneath

Reads 4,987
Votes 322
Parts 17
Time 1h 56m

Reads 4,987
Votes 322
Parts 17
Time 1h 56m

Mature

badboy betrayal boy death depression friends girl love nonsociable pain self-harm suicidal

"The stars are infinite. And all I've ever wanted was an infinite."

______________

All I knew was pain. Pain was I, and I was pain. We shared each other, mind and body. Me and pain were made for each other like puzzle pieces, and that sickened me. I loved pain, I hated pain. I loved bringing the knife to my wrist, but I hated the ache in my chest, like drowning.

There was nothing I sought more than my own self destruction. And here, amongst the stars, skies, and cliffs, I'd find what I sought. I'd make it mine. I'd become infinite. 

WARNING: this story contains abuse, self harm, and suicide. Do not read if these topics can trigger something within you. Please, know your limits.All Rights Reserved

badboy betrayal boy death depression friends girl love nonsociable pain self-harm suicidal

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17 parts

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The Karma Project by knikole_

Today I want to die. Not because of anything in particular or specific, but just because the utter thought of ceasing to exist sounds devastatingly euphoric. To make the noise stop. To stop this stabbing pain in the lowest pit of my stomach that's causing a burning sensation that crawls all over my skin, making me want to peel it off. To stop the guilt that festers every time I take a breath-- an oxygen thief. To stop the constant urge to detonate over anything and everything that dares to love me because in all-- I could never deserve such an honor. Today I want to die. For the longest time, I thought I was just unlucky. That sometimes life doesn't work out for everyone, and for people like me; things just never get better. I had settled into the life of being unlucky, reveled in it, and found comfort in knowing that no matter what; I would just be categorically unlucky. That was until I realized luck had nothing to do with it. It's karma. It's the idea of what goes around comes around, and what goes up must come down. Didn't some philosopher speak to that once? However, it isn't my karma. Well it wasn't at first-- somewhere down the line after all my wrongdoing I'm sure it has switched to mine. But I am the poor soul stuck with my father's karmic retaliation. The karma that he deserves has been thrown against me as some sort of sick cosmic joke-- I'm sure he'd actually celebrate and feast on the fact that once again, he still gets to hurt me even from his grave. Too bad I killed him before he had the chance to see. *Book One in the Karma Duet. Book Two is now in progress, titled: The Karma Study*

Bloom by h2_hoeeee_

"I hate you." I scream in his face, not realizing that he has me backed up against a wall, only inches away from me. "I hate you." I whisper again, my breathing heavier and my drained feeble body aching with desire. His proximity is killing me and making me feel alive at the same time. "I hate you too." And our lips crash together. ..... Zayn finds Stella irresistible. Stella finds Zayn irresistible. It was simple. Resist. But no one can ever resist their body, can they? As their past torments them, their present tests them. A thin string holding them together. When love paves it's way between the two, that string is threatened to break by their past as well as their hearts. If there was any love at all. NOT EDITED WARNING: PHYSICAL ABUSE, DEPRESSION, RAPE AND ALOT OF SPICE 🌶️🌶️

Not me. (2023) by MineOnlyFriend2

so, I've been struggling for a long time now, and I never told anyone about it. I've never opened up. but I met someone who understands how I feel, and I'm beginning to feel again. I don't know how to do it, but I finally feel I can fight. I've been so exhausted. I'm not better, I'm not sure if i ever will be, but I'm not numb, not entirely. I can't say how I'm feeling, or what i am going to write, but if you want it, it's here. This is for you. For everyone who was made to be the villain by those meant to be by their sides. For everyone with a sensitive heart made to grow strong much too quickly. For everyone who struggles to get out of bed in the morning. For everyone who never could find the words to say why. For everyone who struggles to feel and for everyone who feels too much. For everyone who had to pick themselves back up. For everyone who had to parent themselves. For everyone fighting an invisible battle. For everyone who has been underestimated. For everyone who has to flee to other worlds to cope. For everyone who found other means to silence their voices. For everyone who was silenced. For everyone who was over powered. For everyone who was made to be less. For everyone who had to watch someone else suffer and stay silent. For everyone asking themselves, why? Why would you do this? What did I do? Why is this happening to me? It was never your fault.

To Be Broken by lazylazerkitten

What does it mean to be broken? (I wrote this poem myself) ______________________________ Why be sad? When no one knows how bad You feel your Pain makes you sore. Why be mad? When no one can tell How hard you fell How it hurts MORE than a tad. Why be happy? Be like all those sappy People pretending to be What they want you to see. Why be frightened? Senses heightened Screaming, As sick people are beaming. Why be tired? When no one knows How your wired How you grow. Why be honest? When all known is a broken promise When no one believes you Even if what you say is true. Why hurt? When no one feels your pain When no one's ever alert When you never feel sane. Why pretend? When you know in the end No one will be there Because no one cares. Why care? When no one cares enough for you To know what your going through They think your heart is unfair. Why try? When no one sees that you do They just pry Thinking they know more than you. Why speak? When no one will ever hear They'll say you're a freak They don't see a single tear. Why do anything at all? It's not like anyone will see If you fall If you scream. ____________________________________ "Just admit it Winter. After the whole accident....your broken." "No...No that's where your wrong. I'm not broken. Because to be broken, you had to have been whole in the first place."

My Broken Girl (Bad Boy) by Abileneansongwriter

"I'm not a beautiful, I'm ugly". I said as he holds my hand. "Your beautiful and your broken". He said as he rest his head on my forehead. "They say 'She's beautiful, but broken'. I am broken and I always will be broken". I said as he pressed his soft lips on mine. "Not for long". He said as he holds my chin. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ This story had inspired me to write this, so, don't steal my storyline. Warning! There will be violence There will be self harm There will be bad language

Doubts 2 by SherryB915

Part 2 of "Doubts" It was that same feeling I felt deep inside me the day my grandparents left me. My stomach began to cringe. My throat was in knots. My breathing had gotten hard. My instincts were telling me something just wasn't right. I felt useless and alone... I had always knew pain my whole life but this was next level. That feeling of holding back and regret filled my veins with agony. I was lost in my thoughts. My heart felt colder and colder with every minute that passed by. Who am I ? Who am I really ? What is my purpose in this life that I lived? That I once knew ..... why did this bad luck fall upon my life? What did I do to deserve this ? I'm cursed. I have to be. I cried so much in that hospital bed that no tears seemed to want to fall anymore. I had no tears left in me to shed. When Akeem left this room, I knew it would be the last time that I would see him. My better half. My Ace. My love. My husband. My life. Gone. Forever. It wasn't confirmed but I knew it. I just knew it. Life fucked me hard. So why not throw it back.

A Taste Of Life by _sincerelysammie

Him: I hate myself. For what I did to her, for leaving, for everything. But what was I supposed to do? Love her while letting myself destruct? Now I have to live my life without her. I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I miss her. Her: I should of known something like this was going to happen. I should of known I would only get hurt. Why did I have to let him in? I have to move on now, even if it kills me. As if this pain in my heart isn't already tearing me apart. I don't know if I can do this anymore. I miss him. - continuation and sequel to Let Me In.

The Girl Who Jumped by ch3rry_h34rts

I stood on the edge of the rooftop. My eyes closed and my mind free. I'm ready. Now is the time. I could feel my breath quickening, Breathe in, Breathe out. I slowly start to gain composure of my thoughts. I can hear the people on the ground. I can see them entering the building in their perfect dresses with their perfect hair. I look down at my Royal Blue gown and smile. It's time. I slowly exhale and let myself fall. I'm free. Well, that's what I thought when I jumped, but the world hates me. So now. I'm alive and kicking, quite literally kicking in fact. Paisley George is a screw up, her "True Love" even knew it. So she jumped, but her.... attempted suicide was a failure, now she is stuck living with her grandma. event after event, Paisley ends up becoming friends with the towns bad boys and maybe she might just fall in love with one. You never know.

Freedom from Within by tazmanianpanda

This is my first attempt at writing a longer story. Here are few things about this novelette: - A novelette stands between a short story and a novella (7, 500- 17,500 words). - This story is not edited, so expect mistakes. - The story has explicit and mature contents. - As part of my "trademark," the story deals with love and loss. Expect drama! - The story is written in a nonlinear way. - I almost forgot; this is a lesbian story. If in any way you find it disgusting, you're free to bounce, yo! (In Jesse Pinkman's voice) - This is fiction. Question me and I will put you in here just to kill you, Game of Thrones style. Lol - © ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. Let's just support each other. Peace out! How does one make music using broken strings? Discover the powers and dangers of love in this mixture of clichés, realities, and fiction about love, loss, pain, depression, and survival. I have lived in a dark cage. I have torn every page. I have not known light; I think I lost my flight. Please come and rescue me; Whoever hears me! Help liberate this heart And show me love they call art.

I Fell in Love with a Bad Boy by Beautiful_Tragedy8

CRINGE WARNING! First book I ever wrote on here!! -- "Sometimes the person who you are willing to take a bullet for is the person behind the gun." I stood peering over the cold lifeless body that lay before my eyes. I had always thought of death the enemy, but right now, I blessed it upon the person who is now at peace. Sometimes you don't need to be the smartest, or the fastest, but you do need to be wisest. They say the blood runs deeper than water, and I believe it, because even though the people that we love can turn on us and begin to hate us, they are only human, meaning that soon they will begin to see how short life really is and how it is not to be wasted. People who seem perfect and they look like they have no floors'; they are the people who are suffering, like I was. But I found my savior in the most uncommon place. He was able to look through my mask, he saw the cracks, and tried to fix the broken girl that hid away deep inside the girl who only wanted to be seen as 'fine'. I slowly began to find comfort and safety in him, and I did the same to him. We were two broken people becoming whole. Someone once said when you pass, if you can count your true friends on one hand you are beyond lucky, and I even though I did not like the person that lay before me, I know that he once had true friends, including me. I'm a 17 year old girl who has suffered more than any other, beginning to believe that 'Hope' was just another word the people throw around. Until I fell in love with a badboy. Trailer to the side -------------------> Made By @Laura__1 Cover made by @Beautiful_Tragedy8 Copyright 2014

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Slide 1 of 10

The Karma Project cover

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To Be Broken cover

My Broken Girl (Bad Boy) cover

A Taste Of Life cover

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Freedom from Within cover

I Fell in Love with a Bad Boy cover

The Karma Project

Today I want to die. Not because of anything in particular or specific, but just because the utter thought of ceasing to exist sounds devastatingly euphoric. To make the noise stop. To stop this stabbing pain in the lowest pit of my stomach that's causing a burning sensation that crawls all over my skin, making me want to peel it off. To stop the guilt that festers every time I take a breath-- an oxygen thief. To stop the constant urge to detonate over anything and everything that dares to love me because in all-- I could never deserve such an honor. Today I want to die. For the longest time, I thought I was just unlucky. That sometimes life doesn't work out for everyone, and for people like me; things just never get better. I had settled into the life of being unlucky, reveled in it, and found comfort in knowing that no matter what; I would just be categorically unlucky. That was until I realized luck had nothing to do with it. It's karma. It's the idea of what goes around comes around, and what goes up must come down. Didn't some philosopher speak to that once? However, it isn't my karma. Well it wasn't at first-- somewhere down the line after all my wrongdoing I'm sure it has switched to mine. But I am the poor soul stuck with my father's karmic retaliation. The karma that he deserves has been thrown against me as some sort of sick cosmic joke-- I'm sure he'd actually celebrate and feast on the fact that once again, he still gets to hurt me even from his grave. Too bad I killed him before he had the chance to see. Book One in the Karma Duet. Book Two is now in progress, titled: The Karma Study