All of Me

I've grown accustomed to tired eyes, tear stains, sleepless nights, and wet pillowcases. That's what comes along with the loss and depredssion of losing someone. Especially when you never got to say goodbye or hear their voice one last time or see them in person. Now all you have is pictures and you know it will never ever compare to real human interaction. Watching their body language. Their facial expressions you've come to know so well. Hearing their unique vocabulary that is only owned by them. People say you'll move on like it never happened. You'll forget the sadness that it brought along with it. It's kind of hard to move on or forget when everything you see reminds you of the person you lost. You notice the little things you didn't know we're there before. Something always triggers a distant memory you had pushed back all the way to the far corners of your mind. Something you hadn't realized you forgotten at all and with it comes back the sadness and hollowness. I used to be a very strong person. Always kept everything bottled inside so I wouldn't have to burden anyone with my petty problems. But when my father took a chance that did not guarantee he would live, my walls slowly started crumbling down piece by piece. A little bit of the bricks falling off everyday. That strong person I used to be was now a vulnerable little girl wondering when the sadness would go away.