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- Parts 1
So I sat in the darkness waiting for the light
Sitting in all my sadness, this feeling of melancholy
Trying to escape, not going to give up without a fight
they do not know, the torture I have been through
They do not know that ever since I have been a slave to you
I cannot bring myself to understand the reasons for my actions
But when I deeply think about it, you are the main attraction
I'm addicted and handcuffed to this feeling, I'm high
Heart beating fast, I cannot breathe, filling my head with pretty lies
But death, love is a funny thing we all want to see what's after
But when it comes the time my head is filled with screams and laughter
If we could only see the evil that we'd encounter
Surely you'd be praying to live again when your trapped in your own disaster
The light is my illusion, and the dark is my home
I shouldn't wait to escape, it's better being alone
I would embrace it and welcome this feeling
No time to think about it and there is no healing
You're drowning in yourself and all your vile thoughts
Understand this, there might be something more
But no, you're addicted to the sweet taste, the sensation of being blitzed
You're falling apart and you can't catch up, the world has gone to Shit
You never experienced reality because you're always on the run
Your soul is teared apart from your body and you've come undone.
Your body is numb and and you have no control the ground is shaking beneath you, believe what you are told
You're paralyzed, in shock, paranoia has taken over
You'd give anything, for a second to breathe, just one second to be sober
The fires begin to surround you, all choked up, with bloodshot eyes
The thing you loved the most, what kept you up, you begin to despise.
So hide your true colors, hide your smile and hide your lies.
- [ ] Paranoia
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#30
anonymity
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This is a collection of my writing from the past 7 years. Before I started to write, I was a very lost individual, as are most teens, but I was lost in darkness. I was too afraid to move anywhere at all. I hid in the dark, debilitated by my own anxiety, sadnesses, anger, and hopelessness. I was desperate to be loved and feared it the most, I was a coward, I was self-destructive, I would mentally bend my thoughts to the point of bordering insanity. I was born into this world alone, and got too comfortable with it. Maybe I still am, but a fraction of what I used to be. This writing is extremely vulnerable, and potentially disturbing to others, as all my weaknesses, strengths, obsessions with making every moment sentimental, the sickening desperation I've had, the destructiveness, and the constant brutal reconstruction of my mind. Without guidance, it's been absolute intense chaos. Though, there is beauty in the darkness. Everything can be found in the darkness. You'll find that through my writing, I've somehow slowly become exactly what I've written. A living representation of my writing and what I wanted to be. Without myself even knowing it. A lot of my writing themes are based around nature, or some kind of natural aspect. The imagery I paint with natural metaphors is constant, the animals, just like you and I, the plants, and all other living things. I planted these seeds in my mind, unknowingly at the time, where I now feel the deep dark green jungle pressing at the inner walls of my skull. It's all that I want to consume my mind. There's so much to learn. The magic of nature, and it's infinite wisdom. It's as if I have been on this path all along, and I didn't even know what I was doing, yet my body and mind were passively taking care of me. Giving me and eventually showing exactly what I want, and wanted to become. I have every moment, every instance of suffering, and every epiphany to be thankful for. Soon, I'll be at peace from the raging storm.
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