dear, bo.

dear, bo.

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WpMetadataNoticeLast published Mon, Feb 13, 2017
Dear, Bo. Sometimes, I want to thank you. I want to thank you for teaching me that I was capable of loving someone as immensely as I have come to love you. I want to thank you for teaching me that I was capable of loving in general. I want to thank you for getting me re-interested in life. When I met you, I saw nothing in anything. Especially myself. But, then you come into my life, by chance, and I realized that the world wasn't empty and neither was I. When you left, I have to admit, I became empty again. I stopped loving, and I stopped seeing love. But, you at least taught me that I was capable of feeling those things. Now I know how to. And, when the time comes, I'll be able to do and feel those things again. Thankyou. Love, Stark. // a story in which a heartbroken human teaches how he moved on from losing his first love by uncovering letters and stories in which he's never revealed before. //a work in progress. //
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"Will be there in 20?" The message from Dean reads. My brain says I should text back saying 'I will rip your balls off if you come over' or 'I am not a sex toy, you could come over and use me as and when you please' or at least a simple 'No'. But I don't. I squat next to my bed and pull out the white powder to numb the pain. I told myself that I am done with Dean and I am going to get my life back together. I cleaned up, battled withdrawals and even improved my grades. One text from him and I am snorting coke. Why do I do this to myself? Why do I let Dean treat me like trash? Why do I set myself up knowing that it's only a matter of time before he will run back to Sherley leaving me in limbo? Why? l have asked myself the same question a million times but I couldn't come up with an answer that I can use to justify myself. When it came to Dean, I was a masochist. I let him use me and discard me without any fight. Dean was my first Friend. Kiss. Sex. Love. Everything. I wanted to be his everything too. I was his first Friend. Kiss and Sex but Love.. that was Sherley. His family chauffeur's daughter. I want to be a better human and say I didn't hate her. But I am not. I am just human and I hate her with the ferocious of a thousand sun. I hate that she plays him like a fiddle and he dances to it. I hate that they fight for silly reasons and Dean comes running to me. I hate that I let him in even when I know she will reel him back in no time. I hate that he is my weakness and Sherley is his. I wished that my best friend would turn to be my lover. But he just ripped my heart out. It time to let go and move on.

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