i adore you
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- Parts 2
Ongoing7m
Last published Thu, Feb 16, 2017
life was always confusing for me
I'm kinda confused. I want love......i want love to keep me from falling off the edge. But maybe that's the problem i have already fallen. I'm in the heat, because i did the worst thing i could done to myself. So now i'm here, alone......maybe it's supposed to be like this.
Stop being desperate i always told myself that. Over and over, maybe that's for the best. I don't want to hurt someone just because i don't like them. I'm not like that, i stay in place. Stuck in place. Just there, waiting, sitting, sleeping, crying, showering, writing, drawing, eating.
I walk down the busiest street, and look at my choices. There is not many, however deep inside all these guy could love me. However they don't, is it cause i look weird, i have curves, maybe because i'm loud. But tell me why you don't love me. I am going crazy, i'm turning sick. I'm extremely sick, because no one wants to love me. Someone told me that beauty isn't everything. Perhaps it is, plus you're probably just saying that for the sake of yourself. You think you're ugly and the only reason why you have that one person holding on to you is because of yourself. There's the problem you think that. It's kinda funny how i'm making love sound like a bitch, just because i'm love sick. As a human i say my love is for the soul, not the body. I still think that's true, just by this one new feeling. You're probably thinking the feeling of love. See you're wrong, it's the feeling of loneliness
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[BWWM] I was only twelve years old when the world turned cold. The day my mom died in that car accident, I felt like someone had dumped a bucket of ice water over my heart. My dad, who had always been my hero, suddenly became a stranger, filled with rage and blame. He couldn't see that I was hurting, too; he only saw me as a reminder of his loss. The accusations cut deep. He said it was my fault for being there, for not doing something to save her. For being the reason she was in the car in the first place. In the years that followed, things only got worse. The abuse started gradually-a harsh word here, a shove there-but it escalated, leaving scars that I carried long after the physical pain faded. I was drowning in my own despair, struggling to keep my head above water while my father's anger raged like a storm around me. I only had a break from his anger when I started living with Aunt Dina-my mom's older sister. Well, that was because she found me nearly dead on my bed after I took a dozen pills. I was tired of living. I had hit rock bottom. The harsh whispers that followed me around and the stares at school. I pretended not to notice, like it didn't bother me. But it did. I was alone. Then came Athalia, a ray of sunshine cutting through my darkness. With her, I felt something I hadn't felt in years-happiness. She became my light through the darkness and my lifeline. ••••••••••• ● Warnings ⚠️ ~ Mention of suicide ~ Anxiety attacks ~ Rape attempt ~ Mention of self-harm ~ Depression
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