Memories of Amanda

At first there was me.

I can audibly hear the sirens wailing, chasing after that horrible murderer who took a life of a sixteen year old linebacker in our campus.

As the sirens come closer so does the beating of my heart thud harder. I know any moment the cops will catch the killer and my heart skipped a beat in my car.

***

And then, there was him.

He looked mystified at me, like his eyes saw something in my face that even my own eyes cannot see through my reflection in the mirror. When I looked away, my heart stayed crossing his eyes, unable to move away.

There was something about Klein that would make me take a double glance at him whenever he passes by. His scent perhaps? His devouring eyes? His unsolicited smiles? I don't know. One thing's for sure, there's something about him that sends butterflies to my stomach.

I have to stay away from him.

***

Inevitably, there was my past.

The kind of movie plot that nobody would spend a single moment in their lifetime to take a part with. Something that repositioned my heart in my chest. Something that took my breath away and did not bring it back. Something so dark that the evening would be ashamed of and blackness cannot overpower.

The kind of past that changed everything about me. The very reason why I had to change places for every fucking year and took away my right to live a normal sixteen-year old girl. The hell of an event that redefined the meaning of death and changed it to my name.

Yes, that goddamn kind of past.

The kind of past that took me to so many places in order to run away from, but every time I close my eyes, it stands firm in front of my face, mocking me like it always do for the past four years of my godforsaken life.

***

Lastly, there were these questions hitting the core of my head, asking for answers. Answers that I do not know how and where to find.