The Perilous Postlude

(Or the Prospective Postlude.)

Dear reader,

The phrase "no news is good news" refers to a lack of developments in an ongoing situation or problem being perceived better than a negative development. It is usually used as a half-hearted proffering of optimism when a situation looks particularly bleak, but in this case, the saying is correct. If it comes from the tragic files of the Baudelaire orphans, no news is absolutely good news-which makes the story that you are about to read very bad news indeed.

After many years of the world being quiet here, new documents in the Baudelaire paper trail have emerged, so I have emerged to finish the solemn duty I started long ago. Due to the Daily Punctilio's censorship and my enemies keeping an ear to the ground (a phrase which here means "standing on the manhole cover under which I am hiding for my life"), I am forced to publish my findings on an online site dedicated to sharing Verifiably Fictional Documents. The entire agonizing tale of sadness, lies, calculus, the unknown, nautical ships, romantic ships, hugs, chocolate cake, and obscure literary references will be brought to light as it is compiled, so that the orphans may finally have peace-and everyone may finally leave me alone.

You, however, do not have to wait until the end to leave this story alone-in fact, it is encouraged to start now. You, dear reader,do not have to subject yourselves to such horror, and I desperately urge you to find better reading material-as the Baudelaire orphans venture on one last journey. My name is Lemony Snicket, and I will finish what I started.