Darkhumor Stories

In which Konoha's beloved jinchūriki finds herself in an odd new world with only Kurama by her side. He insists bijū bombs are the only way to fix this issue. -COMPLETE- BUT rewrite to prep for dark continent arc began 1/6/2026 with many new scenes & content to add.

𝗟𝗼𝘃𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗲𝗻𝗲𝗺𝘆 𝗶𝘀 𝗮 𝘀𝗶𝗻... 𝗕𝘂𝘁 𝘀𝗼𝗺𝗲 𝘀𝗶𝗻𝘀 𝘁𝗮𝘀𝘁𝗲 𝘁𝗼𝗼 𝗴𝗼𝗼𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗶𝘀𝘁. 𝗔𝗺𝗶𝗱 𝗳𝗶𝗲𝗿𝗰𝗲 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗽𝗲𝘁𝗶𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻, 𝗯𝗶𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘀𝗮𝗿𝗰𝗮𝘀𝗺, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘂𝗻𝘀𝗽𝗼𝗸𝗲𝗻 𝘁𝗲𝗻𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻, 𝘀𝗶𝘅 𝗿𝗶𝘃𝗮𝗹𝘀 𝗱𝗶𝘀𝗰𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗲 𝗯𝗲𝘁𝘄𝗲𝗲𝗻 𝗹𝗼𝗮𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗹𝗼𝗻𝗴𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗶𝘀 𝗱𝗮𝗻𝗴𝗲𝗿𝗼𝘂𝘀𝗹𝘆 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗰𝗿𝗼𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗶𝘁 𝗺𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝗿𝘂𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗺... 𝗼𝗿 𝗿𝗲𝗺𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗺.

[EDITED] [NOW AVAILABLE ON KINDLE & PAPERBACK!] [2023 WATTYS SHORTLIST🎉] [@Wattpad Reading Radar Feature✨] [@Wattpad Valiant Heroes Feature✨] [@WattpadAsianFantasy 2024 Winter Catalogue Cultivation Month Feature✨] The secret to success? A good set of tires, and a hell of a vendetta. ________ Echo Yun is a square racing prodigy, a collegian newbie, and 10.5 million dollars in debt. But it's the first two that will be the one to save him from the third. When Echo gets a second chance to take back his life through open recruitment of the university's most prestigious racing team, a team that could take him straight to the greatest - and most lucrative - racing championship of the century, he takes it in a heartbeat. But with his past at his heels, a sport of ruthless nature, a social ranking working against him, and a team of elite racers turning everything he's known about his world on its head, Echo is forced to come face to face with the dark price of what true victory will really cost him. And just how far he's willing to go to pay it. The race begins. Winner takes all. [COMPLETED] [#1 in BLOOD AND GORE] [#2 in RACING] [#3 in DARK HUMOR] [#5 in ACTION-ROMANCE] [#6 in WEREWOLF]

Y/N Goldberg was forced to move away from New York thanks to his adoptive brother from another mother, Joe Goldberg, who once saved his life. However, once they're at Los Angeles, he finds out that he's got a lot more in common with his older self than he thinks.

Nevermore Academy, a school for the outcast, the creatures and beings of the world that society would rather keep in the shadows, the ones that are more than they appear and that...is where your story begins. Eyes as blue as the azure sky that is the symbol of the Contractor, but what does that mean? All will be revealed as Wednesday Addams walks through those doors.

The war storms at the Frontier... The gods are broken. The empire is burning. And the end has already begun. A warrior with no past unleashes power no mortal should wield. A young ruler clings to a dying crown as his people lose faith. A chaos mage, feared and revered, walks with death in her shadow. Amongst their ranks-two Rifter siblings, wilders of ruin, benders of space and time. Feared. Watched. Leashed by the most powerful. But even under chains, love blooms... and loyalty begins to shift. When the empress falls into a cursed slumber-her unborn child the last ember of prophecy- the empire sends its strongest into the Abyss of Lost Quintessence: A place where even time forgets itself, where silence hungers, and where One of the Roots of the Umbrovyn Tree stands-ancient, cracked, and bleeding memory. Monstrosities roam, daring to strike in daylight. The veils whisper betrayal. Alliances splinter. Some stand frozen, unsure of their next move- fearing one wrong step may provoke the wrath of a dominion vast as a world and cruel as the gods who forged it. Old gods stir, craving redemption through ruin. The Royal House fractures beneath betrayal. A founding father, long patient, now bares their intent- to seize the throne by force, by cunning, by wagering all that is. Their House's malice toward the flawed Royal line can no longer be cloaked. Love will test loyalty. Legends will bleed. And in the dying light of Ether-Space- The Aurora must not fall... Or all realities will burn. 🔥

Barnabas Whitmore thought his discovery of summoning coordinates to a new world would bring him academic clout and fame. Instead, a drunken portal battle brings him an extra-dimensional human, an unstable portal that refuses to close, and a government agency asking too many questions. Prompt 62: They say every door has its own key. Except for one, a key said to open them all. Warnings: Profanity, alcohol use, dark humor

𖤓 Summer [Bold Choices, Long Days] 𖤓 "Kings have honor, soldiers are brave, poets have heart, and all I have is rage!" ~Naethan Apollo. One moment, you're a weapon. The next, you're a nanny. And somehow, the world ends in between. Two assassins from rival organizations are sent on the same classified mission-only to discover the assignment is hiding a truth big enough to shatter loyalties, rewrite destinies, and maybe doom humanity itself. Secrets unravel fast when curses bind enemies together, time refuses to move forward, and the last hope for the world turns out to be something no one wanted to trust. As summer stretches on, chaos follows: frozen cities, undead roads, magical bargains gone wrong, and a journey to the edge of the world where treasure isn't gold-but choice. Everyone else sees ordinary people, harmless faces, familiar smiles. But some truths can only be seen by those already broken enough to recognize monsters in disguise. This was supposed to be a normal summer. It wasn't. A story about rivalry, survival, and the dangerous things we become when everything we believed starts to burn. "We love broken, beautiful people. And it doesn't get more obviously broken and more classically beautiful than you." ~Taylor Jenkins Reid

Cosma helps Lord Cowboy Darrell connect with a promising opportunity, forcing him to confront some major changes. Alternate route in which Darrell stays boss. Rewrite/continuation of an older version. May contain traces of silly humor, emotional pain, tragedy, and an excessive amount of free will used to overanalyze cartoon characters. This is for older Teen & Up audiences due to abusive and psychological themes that may be problematic for younger readers. It's way sillier than it looks, lol. I'm just bad at tagging, and the cover turned out much more badass than intended. (: Enjoy!

FBI Special Agent Isobel Hurley has faced down cartels, terrorists, and cold-blooded killers without flinching. So when she's assigned an undercover protection detail for the spoiled, reckless son of a powerful billionaire-someone the agency believes is the next target of a ruthless syndicate-she shrugs it off as routine babysitting. Easiest mission of her career, she thinks. Pose as his new personal security consultant, keep the idiot alive, collect intel on the threats closing in. In and out in a few weeks. Then she meets Xavier Donovan. Charming. Arrogant. Far too intelligent for his own good-and dangerously unpredictable. What starts as a simple protection op spirals into something far darker: whispered threats that come from inside the family estate, encrypted messages only Xavier seems to understand, and a growing suspicion that the real danger isn't just targeting him-it's using him as bait. Every instinct screams that Xavier is hiding something explosive. Every late-night confrontation pulls Isobel deeper into a web of secrets, lies, and forbidden attraction she can't afford. The closer she gets, the more she realizes the mission isn't about saving him. It's about surviving him. And as the syndicate's shadow tightens around them both, Isobel begins to wonder the most terrifying question of all: What if the biggest threat isn't the enemy outside... but the man she's sworn to protect?

A work in progress

David Lancaster never loses control. As the ruthless CEO of Britain's most powerful empire, he rules with fear, precision, and silence. Maya Hayward was never meant to challenge him. She is loud, defiant, and dangerously honest. Everything he despises. Everything he cannot ignore. What begins as a battle of wills turns into a dark obsession. He wants to own her. She refuses to break. But power always demands a price. And desire has consequences neither of them can escape.

"Mohabbat ka pta nhi par sanak tum zaroor ban chuki ho " he whisper in my ear a shiver passed on my shoulder I was afraid of him he looked different today he has glint of madness on him but I chuckle controlling My breaking emotion showing I am heartless "Tum mere liye kuch nhi the bus ek zarurat pura kar ne ke liye ek zariya the" I said blankly where my owns words sounds like acid he looked at me hurt filled in his eyes but anger on his face he pulled me harshly ,holding my jaw tightly he said "Kurbaan kar dunga khudko mere pagal pan ko mazak me mat lo sapphire if you want me to believe you shoot me if you don't love -" Before he can complete I shoot him straight in his heart first time my eyes filled with tears I felt my heart piearced I thought my soul will leave my body He looked at me his eyes widen with hurt,disbelif ,shock,betrayal on his face he clutched his heart as he vomit blood he fall down with a tiny unnoticable painful whisper "Zeher " ‌

(Ogata x reader) I was living my best life. As the wealthy daughter of a tailor specializing in western styles. Novels, mischief, and entertainment were on my mind. My father always had a hard time with my twin and me. He thought of us as degenerates. We were. Money, power, sleeping and not an ounce of ambition to work. One day, however, my brother must have taken a dick too many that broke the scale. Cause my father snapped. Next moment, I'm an identity theft victim. Forcefully enlisted. And my brother is busy seducing my husband. A bloody nose is my warm welcome into the new life. Petty, I wipe my blood. Ready for revenge. But revenge isn't easy when you piss off the wrong people. And I did a lot of pissing. TLDR: Through unfortunate circumstances, you find yourself in the army snuffing out traitors. Twists, tension, and betrayal! Yippee (Doing the rewrite of my life currently. Six chapters are done. I'd advise to only read till there. Until I've updated the next. Working hard and planning to update every few days💪)

25-year-old Grace Avery is a stunning woman working as a detective/investigator. Due to her looks, she often gets sexist remarks from her colleagues, seen only as an object of praise and beauty rather than a fellow detective. Annoyed and frustrated, she goes to an old friend for help and assistance, asking for a partner who doesn't care about her looks and has the brains to work with her, to which she learns that there is a person who could help her, the problem lays in the fact that, that person is the very same man who Grace knew and hated in high school, Basil M. House. Will Grace continue to hate his guts? Is Basil the same man whom Grace knew in High school? And will their relationship change? This is a reimagining of Sherlock Holmes stories by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. Besides being a reimagining, it's also a composite of different mystery stories and movies that I loved, so don't be surprised if some of the cases or puzzles look familiar. Apologies for the grammar mistakes:( Really enjoyed writing this:) This story is also on royal road

He doesn't talk. He doesn't boast. He doesn't need to. In a city that never sleeps, shadows move on their own. And sometimes... they're alive. Johnny. That's all anyone calls him. Some say he's a ghost. Others call him Mr. Dishwasher At thirteen, he's seen more than most will in a lifetime. Thief, fugitive, shadow in the dark... Johnny lives by one rule: if it's not his business, it's not his problem. But if he's in for a cleaning. He's different. Some nights he saves lives. Other nights... he leaves a trail of broken walls, broken people, and whispered rumors of a boy who shouldn't exist. And then there's the Shift. A power he doesn't explain, doesn't flaunt. Blink, and he's gone. Blink again... and he's already behind you. Johnny doesn't care who people are. He doesn't care what they want. He cares about survival. And in his world, mercy doesn't always win. . . . . . . . Or does it?

Welcome to Malmore, a dying town "midwest of Atlanta" (a geographical impossibility that the residents refuse to acknowledge). It is a town suffocated by performative Christianity, historical white supremacy, and a police force so useless they mostly just issue fines for "walking ungodly." When six mismatched, foul-mouthed teenagers stumble upon a glowing necklace in an abandoned sewer next to a toxic field, they don't just get radiation poisoning-they get god-like powers. Now, they must balance avoiding their parents, passing remedial math, and violently curbing the local crime wave that the cops ignore.

(Contains spoilers for all chapters) [Version A] Kris, for the past 2 days, haven't had their autonomy for quite some time. Their soul had been making choices for them that they'd rather have not been made. However, after the Queen's battle, wake up in the overworld, confused and disorientated, but.... with free will, again? They would be happy, but it's cut short when they realize that what they hoped for came with a strange price. A price that they hope they can get rid of soon before things go awry.

Saya has a special arrangement with a dragon. She gets tied to rocks. He gets the gold. They scam villages with fake sacrifices, overcooked rituals, and a convincing act of "damsel in distress." She's no maiden - just a fast-talking harlot with sharp instincts, flexible morals, and a talent for moaning on cue. He's no terrifying beast - just a very old, very gay, very arthritic lizard with a hoard, a temper, and joint pain from shapeshifting too much in the bygone ages. It's all going swimmingly until heroes start showing up. Cults get nosy. Other dragons get ideas. And Saya begins to wonder what exactly she's doing in a world where virtue gets sacrificed and livestock counts as treasure. A sword-and-sandals fantasy with scams, sarcasm, sensuality, and sheep.

𝑺𝒉𝒆 𝒘𝒐𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒓𝒆𝒅 𝒊𝒇 𝒔𝒉𝒆 𝒉𝒂𝒅 𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒃𝒆𝒆𝒏 𝒈𝒉𝒐𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒅 𝒂𝒈𝒂𝒊𝒏... 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆 𝒃𝒚 𝒂 𝒈𝒉𝒐𝒔𝒕. Grace meets Ren, a charming stranger with a knack for stealing popcorn. Their weekend is full of sparks and Grace starts to believe he's the one... until he disappears. Except he didn't stay gone. Dead and stuck on Earth, Ren has been assigned to help her - whether she wants him around or not. A story about modern dating, messy romance, and the chaos of being ghosted... in more ways than one. TRIGGER WARNINGS: contains adult themes including strong language, references to sex and sexual assault, and mentions of death.