Deadpanhumor Stories

The designer behind the Starkiller base, Pates Laylesa, has become a recluse after the events of The Force Awakens. Now a repairman on the Finalizer, she meets Matt, a new recruit, and the two form an unusual friendship. But Matt isn't everything he claims to be, and the First Order desires that Pates start construction on a new, more destructive weapon.

Being an Akadian Trooper is hard. Being a Commander is worse. After forming his own unit, "The Black Legion", Priad thought he'd finally have control over his missions, his soldiers, and his sanity. He was wrong. Not only does he have to lead his fellow troopers in war, but he has to survive the constant assassinations from his childhood friend, Faith Narukami. Between leading military operations, surviving overly creative murder attempts, and maintaining his deadpan cool through it all, Priad's real enemy might just be exhaustion. A light-hearted side story of my main story, Chronicles of Norion.

In a rundown pizza joint at 5:30 A.M., a sleep-deprived paranormal freelancer sits in a booth he swore he'd never return to. His client? A frantic coworker who may or may not be haunted-again. The problem? A vengeful ghost, a cursed Chinese instrument, and a girl in the corner booth who never shows her face... but always asks the same chilling question: Why did you break the pi pa? Piece by cursed piece, the past is coming back-literally. And no amount of sharks, zoos, or call-blocking apps can stop it. Now it's up to one tired, overworked exorcist-for-hire to solve a supernatural mystery before the ghost does more than whisper. Welcome to The Death Booth-where guilt lingers, ghosts whisper, and breakfast is always served with a side of vengeance. ©All rights reserved (First published on Wattpad by Distinct-unique_bird. If you're reading this anywhere else, it was taken without my permission.)

Rain Volkov is beautiful. The kind of beautiful that ruins lives and invites love confessions from people he's never spoken to. He'd be flattered-if he could actually feel it. Homeschooled his whole life due to an emotional processing condition, Rain enters university with straight-A precision, stunning looks, and the emotional depth of a Google search. He knows how to smile, nod, say thank you-but not what any of it means. When his polite indifference accidentally turns into a full-blown fan club and a very persistent girl named Sayona, his best friend Raiden-stormy, broke, and far too emotionally stable-suggests a simple fix: fake a relationship. Enter Sol Phoenix: popular, emotionally unavailable, and Rain's new mission target. Sol says no. So Rain starts casually stalking him with spreadsheets, sticky notes, and enough psychological manipulation to make Freud weep. He's not trying to fall in love. He's just trying to win. Or at least... that's what he tells himself.

He filed portal reports. Now reality won't leave him alone. Ran Mu, a perpetually unimpressed office worker, is accidentally launched into a realm of unstable magic, odd relics that whisper secrets, and people who think his glowing golden aura means something. He's not a hero. He's not even helpful. But in a world where nothing makes sense and escape isn't simple, Ran Mu might be the only one too apathetic to break. ✨ Book 1 - Completed

Donna is an egocentric person who will stop at nothing to make the neighborhood praise her every action. But when new neighbors arrive and have information about her past that could ruin her reputation and life, all hell breaks loose, and Tina, Donna's best friend, witnesses the neighborhood's reality.