Deadpanhumor Stories

Hello folks! Here is another short story collection, full of new stories, fresh from my own overactive imagination! Enjoy some absurd humor, with characters acting unhinged and having a deadpan lifestyle! The fictional realm isn't a place where normalcy exists! Warning! Read at your own risk! 👀👀👀

Donna is an egocentric person who will stop at nothing to make the neighborhood praise her every action. But when new neighbors arrive and have information about her past that could ruin her reputation and life, all hell breaks loose, and Tina, Donna's best friend, witnesses the neighborhood's reality.

He filed portal reports. Now reality won't leave him alone. Ran Mu, a perpetually unimpressed office worker, is accidentally launched into a realm of unstable magic, odd relics that whisper secrets, and people who think his glowing golden aura means something. He's not a hero. He's not even helpful. But in a world where nothing makes sense and escape isn't simple, Ran Mu might be the only one too apathetic to break. ✨ Book 1 - Completed

Gael grabbed the first shirt he found. His Arshad shirts and Aik slacks hung neatly in the closet, meticulously organized. The fabric felt soft against his bronze skin, and wearing it made him felt powerful. His shoes were worn, their soles stained with faint traces of sulfur. Gael tied the laces with a click of his tongue. He glanced at the analog watch. 6:30. In an hour and thirty minutes, the oxygen would leave his apartment, and he would die. He thought it wasn't the worst of outcomes. Considering his soul was still his. He turned on the television. The presenter announce that five presidents had decided to eat the nails of Christ on national television. Gael frowned. "Always Christ's nails," he muttered to himself.

ကမ္ဘာကြီးက အရူးမဟုတ်ဘူး။ ကမ္ဘာကြီးက သူ့စည်းမျဉ်းတွေအတိုင်း အလွန်မှန်မှန်ကန်ကန် လည်ပတ်နေတယ်။ ပြဿနာက အဲဒီစည်းမျဉ်းတွေကိုယ်တိုင်က အဓိပ္ပာယ်မဲ့နေတာပဲ။

NOT MY ARTWORK https://www.tumblr.com/joxster-blog?source=share From Tumblr on the Joxster-blog He lost his mind when he thought he lost his family. Now, he's coming to take them back. Jack survived the toxic acid, but he couldn't survive the lie. When a corrupt government conspiracy stole his pregnant wife, Jeannie, and told him she was dead, Jack snapped falling to his knees in the Gotham rain and letting out the first, terrifying laugh of the Joker. Years later, his calculated war against the state brings him face-to-face with the government's ultimate weapons: an angelic, multi-winged superhuman assassin and her brutally sarcastic, hyper-intelligent super-soldier sidekick. But Jack doesn't see enemies. He sees the pastel eyes of his wife and the green-streaked hair of the son he never got to hold. To save his family from the brainwashing of a ruthless General, the Joker will have to do the most unpredictable thing he's ever done: regain his sanity, team up with a brother he never knew he had, and fight to bring his family home. Even if "home" turns out to be a sunny beach in Greece or a highly chaotic attic in Wayne Manor.

The designer behind the Starkiller base, Pates Laylesa, has become a recluse after the events of The Force Awakens. Now a repairman on the Finalizer, she meets Matt, a new recruit, and the two form an unusual friendship. But Matt isn't everything he claims to be, and the First Order desires that Pates start construction on a new, more destructive weapon.

In a rundown pizza joint at 5:30 A.M., a sleep-deprived paranormal freelancer sits in a booth he swore he'd never return to. His client? A frantic coworker who may or may not be haunted-again. The problem? A vengeful ghost, a cursed Chinese instrument, and a girl in the corner booth who never shows her face... but always asks the same chilling question: Why did you break the pi pa? Piece by cursed piece, the past is coming back-literally. And no amount of sharks, zoos, or call-blocking apps can stop it. Now it's up to one tired, overworked exorcist-for-hire to solve a supernatural mystery before the ghost does more than whisper. Welcome to The Death Booth-where guilt lingers, ghosts whisper, and breakfast is always served with a side of vengeance. ©All rights reserved (First published on Wattpad by Distinct-unique_bird. If you're reading this anywhere else, it was taken without my permission.)

Everyone knows the Hart family's once-in-a-generation genius is a little... off. By six, Elias could already tear through textbooks like they were comic books.By ten, he was solving engineering problems that made actual experts uncomfortable.At fifteen, he designed something good enough that a group of scholars tried to steal it. And yet Elias is completely convinced his real name is Valerius Voss-the same name as the legendary first vampire.He also believes an ancient tomb in Iraq belongs to him. Fortunately, no one with any real authority has ever agreed with him.His family said no.The university said no.The State Department said absolutely not. The insurance company had heard the rumors.Then they watched him jump out of a third-story window just to prove he was a perfectly reasonable person to insure.After that, they believed every single one of them. The Hart family, to their credit, has mostly adjusted.Over the years, the weird things Elias does barely even register. Until one morning at breakfast, when Mason made the mistake of scrolling TikTok where Elias could see the screen. Elias looked at it.Mason knew that look. "Oh no." Elias smiled. "Oh yes." After half a year of playing dead bodies in Hollywood, Elias Hart decided it was time to try something new. Mason had a very bad feeling his life was about to get significantly worse. Nobody believes twenty-three-year-old Elias Hart is really the three-thousand-year-old Valerius Voss, even after he tries to prove his point by jumping out of a third-story window, and every modern institution on Earth seems determined to keep him out of his own tomb and away from the power buried there. Then he discovers TikTok.

Being an Akadian Trooper is hard. Being a Commander is worse. After forming his own unit, "The Black Legion", Priad thought he'd finally have control over his missions, his soldiers, and his sanity. He was wrong. Not only does he have to lead his fellow troopers in war, but he has to survive the constant assassinations from his childhood friend, Faith Narukami. Between leading military operations, surviving overly creative murder attempts, and maintaining his deadpan cool through it all, Priad's real enemy might just be exhaustion. A light-hearted side story of my main story, Chronicles of Norion.