Angelwings_333
My soul craves depth, creativity, beauty, vitality. I want to make a song.
But why would publishing that song be so hard, so vulnerable.
Everyone from my hometown would see it. I worry my friends would just feel obligated to support me with hidden embarrassment. And slowly check out and leave.
I publish my art, but I don't even have the patience to put my all into it. A few of them support and comment. But I am not even sure myself if its good. I did not even try my best.
I want to open a cafe, and paint a big picture on my wall.
But would it be profitable.
Everything has just become what about what people will think.
And trying to fit into this world, and not measuring up left me with a constant fear of not being enough and rejection.
Like everything is too hard, and I am the only one not capable of fitting into this society.
It is lonely with no direction, and when I speak on it. I feel shame, like I am thirsty for pity.
I want to be seen and known, and feel worthy of it.