sonicbut
Florence Walker, a botanist and plumber, finds himself trapped in a love triangle with his beloved apple tree, Willow, and babysitter turned kidnapper Karen Tukteh-Kiddz. He cannot imagine living without Willow's rough but gentle embrace, or the feeling he gets as he stares deeply into Karen's crimson eyes.
When Karen announces that she is converting to Penguinism and will be moving to Antarctica, Florence must face the most difficult choice of his life. Will he stay in Nebraska with his arborescent lover, or will he leave her and catch the next plane to Antarctica?
In this fast-paced, moving novel, Florence learns the meaning of true love. With an eloquent style similar to that of Potty Time with Elmo and Scared Shrekless, this book is an instant classic that will surely be cherished for generations.
"This book is atrocious and should not exist"
-The New York Times
"Half a star"
-Goodreads
An absolutely revolting book with flat characters, a lame plot, and horrible prose"
-common sense media