Gototherapy Histoires

I'm just venting about shit, ok?

So my stupid, newly-minted fandom brain was scrabbling for more content, so I threw both caution and irony into the wind and went on Wattpad and holy. Fucking. Mackerel. So much shipping. All the characters are are ship props. Stop! John is heterosexual, you fiends! Dirk is gay! Stop! STOOOOOOOP! NO I DON'T WANT TO READ FUCKING DAVE X READER. WHY IS DAVEPETASPRITE DATING THEIR PARTIAL SISTER! NOOOOOO! DAVE AND DIRK ARE BROTHERS, YOU FIENDS! AND JAKE AND DIRK IS INSANELY TOXIC AND ONE-SIDED! AND WHERE ARE THE WOMEN? Obviously, the girls are left out of it. Because at least men keep their fetishization of wlw relationships significantly less creative. Some facts about me - I am blond - I am emotionally unavailable However, all these girls are scrabbling for the fictional character Dirk instead of me, even though I can give them the exact same thing. I begin ugly sobbing on the floor because I believe that women are obligated to be in a relationship with me despite my emotional distance and psychological problems. Waaaaaaaa. Guess this counts as a crack fic? I don't fucking know. I DON'T WRITE FANFICTION.