Humorous Stories

When aliens invade, four baristas are forced to become the saviours of the world. Grab your double-shot of java and strap in - it's going to be a bumpy ride! ***** In the Earth's darkest hour, unexpected heroes are stirring... their coffee, that is. Four baristas on a camping trip are under-qualified to save the world from an alien invasion. But thanks to a hologram with no fashion sense, newly developed superpowers and an alien with a guilty conscience, they've landed the job anyway! So grab your double-shot of java, your blueberry muffin and strap in - Hasta barista, baby. [[2018 Wattys winner and twice featured]] [[word count: 100,000-150,000 words]] Please note this is a sample of the book, which has been published and is available for purchase: Ebook: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09WKFVKQJ Paperback: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1644342154

Abe Barrett is surrounded by ghosts - some of them are even his roommates! But now Abe's visions show something dark coming, and it wants Abe dead. ***** When Abe Barrett's family died, he started seeing ghosts. Soon he was living with three of them, and it turns out ghosts are just as eccentric as people. Abe is bothered by the ghosts constantly since he doesn't want to solve their murders, avenge them or do much of anything. He just wants to do his job and relax. His dreams, however, have been getting darker as people in town start to disappear. Soon Abe realizes there is something hunting him, and that same threat was involved with his family's deaths. A legacy of darkness is chasing Abe Barrett, and his supernatural roommates may not be enough to save him. [[word count: 60,000-70,000 words]]

Geoff and Naomi are dead, and they're depressed, but when Geoff's cat Bernie dies as well, they embark on a wild journey to find it in the underworld. ***** When Geoff dies, alongside his girlfriend Naomi, they end up sharing an apartment in the Underworld as skeletons. But after a few years, Geoff starts suffering a mid-death crisis. What's the purpose of going through the motions as a skeleton if you can't really live? Then he gets word that his cat, Bernie, just died and he can collect him and bring him home! Geoff and Naomi hurry to get Bernie only to discover that, due to a clerical error, their cat has been lost. With the hunt for Bernie giving new purpose to Geoff's un-life, he and Naomi begin a quest to get back their cat. Battling skeleton pirates, climbing the sky ladder and facing off against the villain who took Bernie, Geoff is determined to find his purpose - or die a second time trying! [[2018 Wattys Winner - The Originals]] [[word count: 30,000-40,000 words]]

When a plane crash kills her abusive mother and stepfather, 12-year-old Sky Rossi is ripped from years of neglect and thrown into the guarded world of the Rossi mafia empire. Stolen at two. Forgotten. Starved. Scarred. She returns tiny, malnourished, with jagged short hair she cut herself and clothes that scream "stay away." Her eight older brothers rule New York's ruthless Italian mafia - cold, powerful, and deadly. They expected a fragile little sister they could shield and pamper. They got Sky - a stubborn, hot-tempered tomboy who glares instead of speaking, pushes everyone away, and would rather sleep on the floor than accept their luxury. She trusts no one, flinches at loud noises, and hides her terror behind icy silence or sudden outbursts. The Rossi brothers have faced every enemy in the underworld. But this short, rebellious girl might be the one who finally breaks through their armor... or forces them to face the family they failed.

Maya Santos has one simple goal: win. Lucas Reyes has an even simpler one: beat her. What starts as a harmless weekend rivalry quickly turns into a ridiculous battle of trash talk, questionable line calls, accidental flirting, and one very nosy spectator who seems determined to get them together. They can compete over every point, every shot, and every last word-but when the game ends, neither of them is quite ready to walk away. Sometimes, the best match isn't the one you win. It's the one that makes your heart lose its rhythm.

Four teens and a college student are thrown into the midst of an otherworldly civil war when shadowy monsters - known as the Volken - open up portals around their home town, leading them to a fantasy world. After they find themselves wrapped up in a prophecy that requires them to end the war from all corners of the battlefield, they must find a way to play their part, save this new world, and return home. This book tells the story of all five main characters' perspectives (with a few side perspectives here and there) as they venture about the treacherous world of Frubana and learn about the magical, resilient enemies they are pinned up against. Cursing, violence, and death found within.

A Note Before You Open *The Karma Files* Welcome. Before we begin, there is probably one thing you should know about *The Karma Files*: These stories are not about superheroes. There are no capes. No ancient prophecies. No chosen ones standing dramatically on mountaintops while orchestral music explodes in the background. Usually, it is something much more dangerous. An ordinary human being making an incredibly stupid decision. That is where these stories begin. A parking space. A checkout line. A restaurant. A workplace. A sidewalk. The small places where people reveal who they really are because they assume nobody important is watching. Sometimes they are kind. Sometimes they are generous. Sometimes they quietly help someone who needs it and never expect anything in return. And sometimes... Well. Sometimes somebody parks a giant SUV in a disabled space and tells an elderly man to walk faster. At that point, even Karma has limits. That is the idea behind *The Karma Files*. Every episode starts with something ordinary. Something that could happen in almost any town, on almost any day, to almost anyone. Then somebody makes a choice. A good one. A selfish one. A cruel one. Occasionally one so breathtakingly stupid that somewhere in the universe a filing cabinet opens by itself. And then we wait. Because Karma in these stories is not a magical creature hiding behind a tree with a baseball bat. Usually, karma is much less dramatic. It might be a stranger who notices. A camera that happens to be recording. A parking officer arriving at exactly the wrong-or right-moment. A cashier remembering what happened. A door opening. A phone ringing. Or simply another human being deciding: **No. Not this time.** That is what makes these stories fun to write. The punishment is rarely huge. It does not need to be.

Three stars fell from the sky. They split one continent into three empires. They gave magic to three bloodlines. For a thousand years, the balance held. Now it's breaking. THE GAME Fifteen teenagers from enemy empires were thrown together by a magical mirror. They didn't choose each other. Half of them were raised to kill the other half. But when you step into the Caraval, you don't get to walk away. "Welcome to the greatest game. Dreams that come true can be beautiful. If you don't wake up, they become nightmares." Now they're hunting twenty-five Divine Keys before the wrong people find them first. The three empires want the keys. A shadow council called the Kurotsuki Zetsubō wants them-twenty-five faces no one has ever seen. THE PLAYERS She stabbed an Emperor. He caught her. Now they're fake-dating. A princess whose empire forgot her, a curse sleeps inside her, and an immortal magician follows her everywhere, whether she likes it or not. Three broken souls who chose darkness because the light abandoned them first. Her parents sold her to a monster. Some love stories start with a kiss. Hers started with a knife. She builds Floating mechs with minds of their own. Weapons that think. She's the smartest person in any room. She was born to save people. She's learning she can't save everyone.She doubts herself constantly. But she never runs. She used to control six elements. Now she has two.Then someone stole four of them.She's going to get her powers back or destroy everything trying. A blade in her hand before she could write her name. She laughs, she teases, she pulls pranks-until a fight starts. Then she goes cold. Their clans have been enemies for centuries. They're starting to think their clans were wrong. Twenty-five Divine Keys. Three empires hunting them. One shadow council pulling strings. Fifteen teenagers who didn't sign up for any of this. The stars gave magic to three empires. They forgot to mention the curse. [START READING]

Therapy's Tough. Especially When Your Clients Have Claws. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be re-published or utilized in any form without the author's prior permission. Unauthorized use and Plagiarism is strictly prohibited. Thank you.

THE USEFUL IDIOTS. At least in the military, the enemy wore uniforms. In civil service, they wear three-piece suits, carry clipboards, and ask you to fill out triplicate forms to request permission to breathe. Meet the veteran who traded a real combat zone for seventeen years behind enemy lines in the windowless, fluorescent-lit asylum of federal bureaucracy. Surrounded by a rotating cast of bobbleheads, empire-building morons, and GS-14 professional online shoppers, he lived to tell the tale. From the 50-year employee shuffle and the 30-day phantom training deadlines to the infinite loop of meetings to plan meetings about meetings, this is a gritty, laugh-out-loud, finger-pointing dispatch from the corporate escalator to nowhere. Strap in, hold onto your lukewarm coffee, and welcome to the greatest 2,000-hour-a-year comedy hour on earth.

Four deaths. No drugs, no evidence, no connection - until one sharp-eyed detective notices what everyone else missed: an ordinary container of sugar. Kelox, 26, and his younger brother Calfon are about to find out just how far one company will go to keep its secret buried. Set in 1976 Hastershine, a city where nothing is quite as sweet as it seems. "Fraud hidden in the hidden fraud, deaths rise, but the cause cannot be caught."

Two teen boys, one fluffy and spicy gay romance What kind of person would sleep with girls and then fantasize about her becoming another boy? What does it feel like to date a lot of girls while secretly being in love with your best friend? （very fast paced,fluffy and spicy asf)

This is a satire inspired the great George Orwell's "Animal Farm" but with a lighter ending like Kurt Vonnegut would do in his novels like "The Sirens Of Titan". Somewhere in a small forest, just out of city limits, is an angry little sparrow who learns what an economy is by observing the humans. He puts those capitalistic methods to practice with the Oak Trees' natural acorn production cycles to take advantage of the Squirrels with debt and interest. The little sparrow uses the help of the other birds to make his economy the best in any forest!

On Olivia Park's sixteenth birthday, she boarded the nine twenty bus from her house to the mall where she was going to meet some friends. The bus was jammed with the only available seat next to a dark, intimidating and most importantly hot boy. She goes to take it but the problem is "this seats taken" It started on the nine twenty bus but who knows where it will end.

remember remember the 5th of November the gunpowder treason and plot I know of no reason why the gunpowder treason should ever be forgot this story follows 23 yr old y/n and a masked vigilante will they tear one another to bits or put eachother together again

The story of a four-year-old girl named Maeve and her stuffed rabbit, Naomi.

𝘛𝘖𝘜𝘊𝘏 & 𝘚𝘐𝘎𝘏𝘛. ✦ ݁˖ ❝ 𝘚𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘯'𝘵 𝘮𝘦𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘦𝘱𝘪𝘤𝘴. 𝘚𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘮𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘴 𝘸𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘰 𝘬𝘦𝘦𝘱 𝘢 𝘸𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘦𝘳'𝘴 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘮. 𝘈 𝘴𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘧 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘶𝘯𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘪𝘴𝘩𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘢𝘴, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘳𝘦𝘧𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘮𝘺 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘥... ❞ 𝗠𝗔𝗠𝗢𝗦𝗛𝗜𝗞𝗢 𝗖𝗢𝗟𝗟𝗘𝗖𝗧𝗜𝗢𝗡 .✦ ݁˖ 01 ↳ Touch & Sight, two important thing a human would need. The story follows Nadeshiko and Mamoru, a pair of adults who are apparently co-workers. They meet as co-workers, always ending up craving each other's presence. She's a blind woman, yet a bold one often criticized for her attitude, and he's a man with monotone face that's stiff as statue, seeming like a menacing man, yet he's kinder than he seems. ⤷ Tbhk • Original Characters • INSPIRED BY VEIL 𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗿𝘁𝗲𝗱 ›› 20˙07˙2026 𝗲𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗱 ›› --˙--˙-- 𝘀𝘁𝗮𝘁𝘂𝘀 : Ongoing 𝗖𝘂𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘄𝗿𝗶𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗻 𝗯𝘆 : UsaNeko

CANADA ?? ?????????????? Stereotypes/jokes/memes/maple syrup =])) (Disclaimer- I found almost all jokes on the internet and made this book because I couldn't find any like it and figured 'well, somebody has to')

Reagan Belrose has been dreaming about the same man. Vividly. In her dreams, he knows her, teases her, calls her wife with an ease that feels less fictional and more... remembered. She tells herself it's harmless, just an overactive imagination stitched together from late nights, rom-com addiction and romantic novels. Until she walks straight into him on campus. That same face.....those same eyes and an infuriatingly steady presence. Except this version doesn't look at her like he knows her or soften at the edges when she speaks. If anything, he looks mildly annoyed she exists. The resemblance ends at appearance. His charm is replaced with cool detachment. His warmth with cutting restraint. And whatever dream-version tenderness she'd grown embarrassingly used to? Completely absent. But then they keep running into each other, and every encounter sharpens the tension.... irritation laced with something dangerously familiar. Because the more she watches him, the more certain she becomes of one thing: He moves like the man in her dreams. And sometimes, just sometimes... he looks at her like he's trying not to recognise something too. Is it a coincidence? Psychological projection? Or a trick of an exhausted mind?

I am not going to say too much about this story because that would spoil it. All I am going to say is that I am unfathomably hilarious.