Say it with me: Kai-uh-nay-us. 

What do you want to know? Is it that I am an artist 
and a writer and a 2am hair dyer?

 What you need to know about me 
is that I'm searching for a version of myself 
that I can like. 

I find myself redefining my life to myself 
and for myself 
because my self seems to have a hard time 
forgiving itself for not doing it right, 
for being a child, 
and for surviving the things I didn't want. 

I am heartbreak and sobbing. 
I am regrets and self hatred. 
I am dungeons and dragons. 
I am watermelon and dark chocolate. 
I am cactuses and puppies. 
I am blanket forts and kava bars. 
I'm all of it, finding beauty and balance 
when no one is looking. 

Well, except you.