vraiel

Don’t Shrek yourself, babygirl. Sabi ng anak ko na si Bea ang meaning ng ‘poganda’ ay "maganda physically at pogi ang ugali". That's why you don’t need to Shrek your way into being treated right. Choose better. I exist, hello? 

                Iblis to his lump of clay: 
          
          And if even forever runs dry beneath my love for you,
          I’d plead with the gods to let me live a thousand more lives
          to lose you, find you, and lose you again,
          until the universe grows tired of our names.
          
          And if eternity still fails to contain my love for you,
          then let me shatter time itself just to begin again.
          I’d die a thousand gentle deaths and rise from every one,
          just to find your eyes in the crowd once more.
          
          I’d walk barefoot through heaven’s silence,
          and kneel before hell’s fire if it meant hearing your voice.
          Even when stars burn out and the world forgets my name,
          I’d drown in every lifetime just to breathe beside you once again.

The reason why I can’t really be “smart” around my family (except for my sister Mika who shares the same beliefs as me) is because they get hella pressed whenever they feel like I’m making them look stupid, which is never my intention.
          
          My ate actually believes people are gay because they have “higher opposite-sex hormones” in their bodies. I was like, nope, that’s not how it works. If that were true, then it would mean being gay is some kind of defect, which it’s not. In fact, gay and straight people generally have the same levels of testosterone and estrogen. It’s not what determines sexuality. 
          
          But instead of listening, she kept insisting she’s right. I told her to trust me because I’m in the medical field and we literally study this. She took it as me trying to make her feel stupid, which was never my intention. I was simply correcting her misconception. Then she started saying hurtful words to me, and I just went quiet. I didn’t take it personally because I knew she was angry, but still, it hurt.
          
          Now, our mama  wants us to talk, but the conversation just keeps going in circles. My sister says she felt like I was making her feel stupid when I corrected her. I explained to my mom that it was only her perception, not my fault, because I explained things clearly and respectfully when I told her she was wrong about her belief on sexuality. My mom said I should apologize. Fine, I’ll take accountability for the fact that she felt that way. But that doesn’t change the fact that I was right.
          
          

Roses are red, 
          frogs are green, 
          the sky is never blue, 
          nor is the sun truly yellow
          
          Roses are not always red,
          sometimes they wither, painted black instead.
          Thorns whisper secrets where lovers have bled,
          a kiss tastes sweeter when fear is fed.
          
          But frogs should always be green,
          their skin a warning of venom unseen.
          A single touch could rot what’s clean,
          poison is love in its cruelest sheen.
          
          Blue could be violet in the dying light,
          a shade that belongs to the edge of night.
          Colors deceive and twist the sight,
          like lovers who linger, yet never feel right.
          
          Sun is never yellow, but sickly white,
          an eye that burns through endless night.
          It peels the skin with its cursed light,
          a god of decay dressed in something bright.
          
          Lovers drown in colors that lie,
          In roses, in poison, in skies that cry.
          ’Cause roses are red, and the sky is blue,
          Frogs are not always green, the sun is yellow too.

Nakakaiyak. Nakagagalit. Nakalulungkot.
          
          Jusko. Kauuwi ko lang galing rally. Namamaga rin ang mga mata ko kaiiyak—hindi ako nasaktan physically but sobrang sakit sa puso ang marinig ang tinig ng mga ninakawan nila. Naiiyak ako sa galit. 

Once again, I bought something I didn’t need, something I already had at home yet I couldn’t resist, because it was YELLOW. (⁠｡⁠ﾉ⁠ω⁠＼⁠｡⁠) I’ve always had this weakness for yellow, never stopping to think twice whenever it’s in front of me. Wait, naalala ko ༎ຶ⁠‿⁠༎ຶ 
          
          I once had a classmate back in senior high who had the most striking light amber eyes. Her eyes had this rare kind of glow that made it almost impossible to look away that whenever sunlight kissed them, they shimmered into a radiant gold like the sun itself had chosen to rest in her gaze. I was so spellbound that even my quiet, introverted self found the courage to speak to her, just to be closer to that light. (⁠✷⁠‿⁠✷⁠)
          
          She was a pure Filipina, no trace of foreign blood, yet her gaze alone carried the brilliance of something otherworldly. Sadly, we only met a few times because it was during the pandemic, and we never even became friends. Damn, I still think about it sometimes ಥ⁠‿⁠ಥ 

late-night jog ruined. those stupid ahh guys really out there pissing on the side of the road like them r some stray dogs. bro at least have the decency to do that sht somewhere hidden, people literally walk there n u got the audacity to whip it out in public??? that’s fucking nasty, embarrassing & straight up caveman behavior. if ur bladder bout to explode then at least find a tagong spot, not where everyone gotta see ur sorry lil dick. u ain’t marking territory idiot. what a fucking disgusting piece of mud you have here, God

Bought The Brothers Karamazov today and I already feel intimidated ang kapal sobra, every page looks like it's ready to fight me. Honestly baka tapusin ko siya mga next year pa, pero okay lang, at least habang binabasa ko p'wede akong mag-reflect kung worth it pa talaga mabuhay or not kapag graduating na Imao
          
          Life-changing naman daw sabi ng mga tao, so I guess I'm ready for my brain to get wrecked slowly and painfully hahaha

100k para lang sa thesis ಥ⁠‿⁠ಥ nyemas huwag sana ako mamatay sayang naman kung hindi ko mababawi. 
          
          Gusto ko na lang maging isa sa mga magnanakaw para paldo lagi-lagi, wala pang kahirap-hirap

Walang nakakabatid sa lihim kong pagsinta
          Sa gasuklay na buwang tila talinghaga ng ganda,
          Na wari’y salamin ng matang kumikislap sa ligaya,
          At sa mga labing may ngiting dala ay hiwaga