To the Left- A Novella

Jump (7)

It's quiet under the water. Peaceful. I can focus on the feeling of the water around me, the lights from the pool casting patterns of light dancing around me at the bottom of the pool. Part of my summer self-defense training program was water related and focused on how to calm my heart rate and how to conserve air. I would routinely do this at home since the guest house was just to the left of the pool. It became my thinking place so I was always so grateful that there was a pool at this house.

I needed to get out of that closet, I needed to get away for a minute. I don't know why I showed Axel my scar. I don't even think I can blame liquid courage. I just keep thinking about how no one besides Ror has seen it, I wouldn't even let my mom, and even so, Ror hasn't seen the whole thing. But what do I do when I get a little tipsy and into a closet with a hot bad boy? I show him the majority of it. What was I thinking exactly? Rory and I talk about my scar and the story behind it so often that it started to not be such a big deal. I even planned on showing mom the full scar on the anniversary of our freedom.

My mind goes back to the closet and I know that at first, Axel probably was excited to see some part of me naked, but the look on his face? I couldn't be the one responsible for the emotions that shadowed his stare. It's one of the reasons I never show anyone, I don't like them feeling that way. There is always some form of fear or pity in their eyes and it is awful. The look in his eyes though, he looked like he wanted to cause physical harm, like he was angry for me. Like I deserve more. I don't know how to take in those emotions, so I ran. I never want to put my problems or my past onto others. It makes me sick and I didn't even want to show Rory. She walked in on me changing and of course I freaked out, but my therapist said it would be good to trust someone with my story. My ribs start to hurt as the oxygen in my lungs depletes enough that I know that I need to resurface in a bit..

My anxiety is through the roof lately with the anniversary coming up. I requested to have a special sessions with our therapist not only on my birthday which is in two weeks, but on the days before and after- which is unfortunately a weekend day, double the rate, woo. Uncle Robert and aunt Maeve and my mom understand, so they don't care about the amount of money they have to throw at it. In fact, mom is going with me for some of them.

I've been down here for about a minute and decide that I should probably resurface. Breaking the water just as Rory peers into the water. "I knew I would find you here. I brought some clothes." she smirks. "Are you ok, babe?" I nod at her as I bob in the water, my gaze snapping to the path as Max comes running towards us.

"Kat," he pauses tilting his head at me in the pool "are you good? What happened?" he raised his eyebrow questioning me. Obviously not understanding why I am currently fully clothed in the pool of all places. I look over at Rory, communicating in looks like we do, asking if she cares if I tell him. She shrugs and nods, which means that she doesn't care and it is up to me- one thing I love about her.

"I need to tell you something," I take a deep breath, holding up my hand as he looks like he is about to say something, "it's about my past and because I feel like your relationship with Rory isn't going to end anytime soon and I think you are in it for the long haul,"

"Damn right I am," he interrupts, smirking.

"and I want you to be prepared, because if you are with her, you have me as family. So," I pause looking into his eyes, "will you sit a minute?" I finish, gesturing to the side of the pool.

"Ok," he says, sitting down and taking his shoes off before rolling up his pant legs at the same time Rory takes her shoes off and sits, both of them plunging their feet into the water as I cross my arms on the side of the pool. Resting my chin on my arms, I take a big cleansing breath before looking into Max's eyes. "So, you know that I moved here two years ago with my mom, right?" He nods. "Well, we moved here from London a couple of days after my sixteenth birthday, a couple of days after being discharged from a clinic in Amsterdam because my father tried to..." I choked on the air I was trying to breathe in. Slow tears trail my face dropping into the pool below.