Evergreen

Five

When we finally made it to the park, Claire couldn't contain her smile. It was like Christmas morning and she was an only child. As soon as I put the car into park, she jumped out and ran towards the swings, her child-like smile blinding me all the way to the car.

I made my way over to where she sat slowly, giving her time alone for a moment before I told her all my fears. I sat next to her on the swings and we sat in peaceful silence while I tried to figure out what to say to her.

"I'm scared," I started hesitantly. Claire looked at me with serenity in her eyes that made me forget about my worries for a minute and all I wanted was to kiss her again, but I pushed forward. I had to tell her.

"Scared of heartbreak. Scared that you'll use me and want nothing else when we're finished with.... whatever this is." I couldn't look at her anymore, picking at a lose strand on my pants. "What even is this, Claire? If this is just me teaching you how to be in a relationship, and you expect me to not feel anything for you, I have news for you- that's not how this is going to work out because I'm already starting to develop feelings for you and I can't stop them. So if that's all you want, we need to nip this in the bud before we go any further.

"My last relationship ended badly." laughing sadly, I went on, "Really badly, and I almost broke in half. Her name was Bella and she was the love of my life, or so I thought. We had everything in common and she came over to my house everyday and we'd just hang out, talking about nonsense that secretly meant everything to me. We became really close and I thought Bella's feelings for me were genuine. Turns out the whole thing was a set up and when we finally... did things, she video taped it without me knowing and sent it the whole school. It was humiliating and I didn't go to school for the next three months I was so scared of what people thought of me.

"After what happened with Chelsea, then what Bella did to me... I wanted to move so bad, Claire. To get away from all the shit that followed me wherever I went. But I couldn't; Mom had a good paying job and we couldn't just up and leave town because of one stupid thing that happened to me. I loved her- still do, deep down. It's sad, really, even after what she did to me, I still missed her. When I finally got the courage to go back to school, Bella had moved away. She got the chance I couldn't take and I never saw her again."

Claire was quiet for a moment and I still couldn't look at her, picking at the string on my pants to keep myself occupied. Claire shifted on the swing and took both of my hands in hers.

"Sarah, look at me."

I slowly dragged my eyes up, looking at my almost-too-big jacket Claire still occupied, her full, pink lips that were set in a pleasant grin, and finally her bright eyes, shining on me in their frivolous light.

"First off, I just want to say you're an idiot." I blinked at her in surprise and she laughed, squeezing my hands in hers tightly. "I expect you to have feelings for me-hell, I want you to have feelings for me. You're gorgeous, smart, funny and you have the lips of an angel. If you want this to only be you teaching me how to be in a relationship, then so be it. But that's not how I'm looking at this. I would actually like to start telling people you're my girlfriend, if that's okay with you.

"And as for this Bella girl, she's in the past; forget about her because she doesn't matter. Focus on me, because I'm here and I don't think I'm going anywhere anytime soon. I can reassure you that I'm doing this because I've had a crush on you since the middle of sophomore year when I first moved here and no one is making me do this to make themselves look cool, or whatever. I will not video tape us to show to the whole school, only for our viewing purposes only- if you're into that." I snorted and she giggled. "So, what do you have to worry about now?"