Chrissie and Brian’s mother had been laughing in the kitchen as they began cleaning up after a most wonderful Christmas Eve dinner. Ruth had been drying her hands and laughing at something that Chrissie had said. “Oh goodness! That’s really something else!” Ruth was still laughing at her as she tossed the hand towel aside. “I’m going to go into the family room with Jimmy, dear. Please, let these be. They’ll be here for me tomorrow to finish up tomorrow morning.” Ruth said. There was a mountain of dishes from dinner and there was no way Chrissie could simply turn it all over to Ruth. Brian had fed Jimmy and Jimmy had tried to partially feed himself and so the linoleum underneath his high chair was a mess where he had spilled and where Brian had spilled.
“No, no. It’s alright. You go play with Jimmy. I’ll get this. Really. It won’t take me long.” Chrissie said, knowing good and well, this would take forever to clean up. Ruth obliged her, eager spend time with Jimmy before his bedtime. Chrissie got to work with the piled up sink, starting with the larger pots and pans. She hadn’t worked long in the sink before Brian appeared in the kitchen with her.
“Mum’s got Jimmy in there on the floor and he’s laughing at her and dad and…oh my.” Brian stopped mid-sentence as he looked up. “This…this is a lot of dishes. I’ll help you with all this. I thought it was a wonderful dinner don’t you?” Brian asked of Chrissie as he picked up a towel to dry dishes as she washed them. She gave him a most pleasant smile.
“Dinner was wonderful, yes. I’m glad your mum and dad can spend time with Jimmy tonight. My parents are going to be so very excited to see him tomorrow. They bought him a rocking horse! Can you believe it!? Oh, I just can’t wait to see his face when he sees it. We need to take pictures. Maybe we…” Brian stopped Chrissie, having only been half listening to her.
“He name is Deborah Vidacovich. I met ‘er in 1974 in New Orleans while we toured with Mott. I became enamored with her. I know…I know I was with you even then but she infatuated my thoughts the same way that you infatuated my thoughts when I met you. Deborah reminded me of you except that she was the forbidden version of you that I couldn’t have and I wanted. I didn’t sleep with her when I first met her and I swear that to you, Chrissie. I have….I have been so fucked up about sex and love and…I…I needed to fill this hole. I…I have never been more emotionally unstable than I was on the first leg of the tour. It’s like….there she was. There she was after four years and all those feelings came flooding back. I felt like she knew me and needed me. And I needed her. I got emotionally attached to her on levels that weren’t physical…and then it ended up being physical.” Brian had let every thought on his mind pour out. The thoughts that he and Chrissie hadn’t discussed since he had been home. She stared at him as the wet pot dripped onto her hands.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Chrissie…I was…I was emotionally out of control. We were all out of control that night.” Brian finished, looking up to Chrissie with the towel in his hands. She stared at him, utterly speechless of his near rambling. It was a lot to take in.
“I was so angry at you…so very hurt. Just…just so hurt. And for a long time, I wallowed in that hurt. I felt sorry for myself. I couldn’t understand why….why you would do such a thing to me.” Chrissie shifted her focus to the floor and then back to Brian. “And then…then it…it took an eye opening conversation for me to realize that…you didn’t do anything to me. You greatly challenged my trust in you, Brian.” She took a deep breath and swallowed hard. He closed his eyes and put his head in his hand. “And a thought came to my mind. Most acts of infidelity are in the moment and left behind after it happens. But Brian, I have to know how deep…how deep it…” He stopped her, taking Chrissie in his arms and resting his head over hers.
