Prologue | I fucking Blame Myself

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The least of things with a meaning is worth more in life than the greatest of things without it.

                    ~ Carl Jung

Listen to ...*I Blame Myself*
by Sky Ferreira.. for this chapter



Prologue| I fucking Blame Myself

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My emotions are complicated and not readily verifiable. I feel a vast yearning that is simultaneously a pleasure and a pain...fuck...its not a pleasure, its a fucking pain. I am certain of the consumation of this yearning ,but I dont know from what it will take. It certainly can not take anymore since I have nothing left and since I do not understand quite what it is that the yearning desires...No I fucking know What I desire... fucking freedom.

For the first time there is borne in upon me the full truth of what I myself said to my mom only two years ago: that my life in this undertaking are not entirely clear. I don't quite remember what I said, my memories are still quite blurry...maybe it's the fucking pills I take...For years , for a lifetime , the machinery of my destiny has worked in secret to prepare for this moment, It's clockwork has moved exactly toward this time and place and no other. Rising slowly from the ground of which when I look at, sends horrifying memories of my dead mother.

"Stella, baby I'm here okay, no one's gonna hurt you, okay sweetie"

"Mommy, Mom-my". I say, suddenly feeling suffocated. I started choking, like there was no air left for me to inhale and I was trying to gasp for at least a little oxygen. My words became too shallow...I 'm terrified...I point at something or rather...someone behind her

"I'm scared" I manage to let out. Still choking on my spit

"Baby, scared of what?"

"Mo-m-my ,o-f h-im"

She slowly turns back and everything suddenly goes black from there.

It was all my fucking fault!

***

The prequel to this book was mysteriously deleted. I don't know how or when. Probably, my account got hacked, I don't know.

So I decided to start all over again. And stop being depressed because, Lord, knows that book had almost 10K reads😫😭. But anyways, I had to get my groove back and my A game. I missed this story. And most importantly, I had to continue the story of Stella and Kane. Hope you enjoy the chapters

~Peace out, Virgins :)

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