There is a Light That Never Goes Out (Phan)

There is a Light That Never Goes Out

More often than not, depression was viewed as an excuse to stay in bed all day, an excuse to avoid life's daily chores, and to continuously procrastinate upon waking. It was a hard concept to grasp for a few people, because how is it that sadness can cripple a person to the point of it being nearly impossible to complete normal, every day tasks? How is it even possible to be completely void of happiness most days?

But that's not it, either. The truth is that a person living with depression can smile, can laugh louder than anyone else in the room. They can wake up and eat breakfast and look their best for the outside world, seemingly able to take on the whole day with wide arms.

Behind that bright grin, however, is the feeling of breaking, of a hole in your heart where happiness is supposed to be present. And even though you may wake up and look more than presentable, it doesn't hide the fact that your eyes hurt from exhaustion and your bones are being worn down with each forward step.

Dan didn't have any specific reason as to why he was depressed. In fact, his life was near perfect with his parents who love each other, a job that paid well, friends who cared, and a pretty little apartment that held memories of laughter. There were people who would kill to have a life such as Dan's, and yet there was an emptiness present in Dan's body and every breath he took fucking hurt and he couldn't handle it anymore. He couldn't handle the fact that he was unhappy with a perfect life, couldn't handle living with his lungs being filled by water as his head submerged under the surface, choking him with responsibilities and feelings that he should have, but didn't.

It became a chore to even wake up in the morning and it had been years since he's felt alive, years since he could breathe properly without concrete pressing down on his chest. He was tired, so tired, and the decision had been made long ago that he would no longer be confined to the cages of life. He would be free, the air fresh and blissful, and nothing would hold him down anymore.

He didn't know how it'd gotten to this point. He was pathetic for not being able to push through as the rest of the human population did, but it didn't matter. Nothing mattered anymore. After this, Dan would just be another memory buried six feet in the ground.

Dan shivered against the biting cold, icy rain drops beginning to slither down his neck and cheeks. His hands were shaking, but not because of the wind, and not because he was scared. Because he was filled with this need that overpowered all other thoughts, a need to disappear into a void.

His feet were teetering on the edge of concrete, a 100 foot drop looming before him, calling him in with welcoming arms and the kiss of grass on his skin. He took a deep breath that came out more as sigh and closed his eyes, little droplets of rain forming on his eyelashes. His foot edged closer to the void in front of him, hands raising to rest where his heart was beating erratically in his chest. One more step and his tortured soul will be released to the sky.

"Wait!" A voice called, and Dan's eyes flew open because it was two in the morning and there's no way, no fucking way, that someone would come to the abandoned bridge at two in the fucking morning. But then the voice came again, scared and panicked. "Please get down from there!"

Dan swallowed thickly, glaring down at the expansion below him. He could ignore the man and jump anyways, or he could see who the hell wanted him to stay alive.

He turned around.

Blue eyes, bright and shining in the silver moonlight, stared back into Dan's with a frightened look in them. A slender hand was extended, the skin soft and pale, unblemished. "Come down from there. Please."

Dan's head shook of it's own accord. He couldn't give up on this part of himself. He couldn't go back home to an empty apartment and the same fucking emptiness inside of him. He couldn't.