Coming Clean - KuroAka Oneshot- Haikyuu

Coming Clean

Hellooo. I am loser and here is a rarepair I really like. It hurt to not write BokuAka, I am a multishipper, and keep in mind, I wrote this in three days, so there will be mistakes.

Anyway! You can find me on Instagram at losifeaur.

CW/TW: suicidal thoughts and mentions, alcoholism

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"I don't know why I got my hopes up," Akaashi whispered, his body going through a heavy tremor as he seemed to pull in another sob.

Kuroo frowned, although he'd been expecting this. Ever since Bokuto told him about the new girlfriend, how he was gonna make it a surprise to Akaashi, he'd gotten a sinking feeling in his stomach. He didn't expect Bokuto to hide it for a year- and he didn't expect Bokuto to surprise Akaashi by telling him she was pregnant- that he wanted Akaashi to be the godfather of his child. That had been Bokuto's idea of a birthday present for the poor guy. Akaashi had started crying and accepted, and Bokuto thought it was sweet, but Kuroo had seen the pain in Akaashi's eyes as he hugged Bokuto. His eyes asking why as he looked down his back, and at the smiling woman's rounded belly. Why couldn't I be her?

He walked Akaashi home from the party early. The sun had dipped from the sky already, the night's December temperatures cooling the air around them, the street lamps and coats they wore doing nothing to ward it off. Akaashi was shivering, even though he was usually so used to the cold. He'd been freezing since he'd seen that woman and her belly and Bokuto with his arms around her.

Part of him wanted to grab Akaashi, pull him close, and offer his warmth, his company, his love in place of Bokuto's, but he knew that wasn't what Akaashi wanted. He'd been pining for Bokuto since he was in middle school. And now the man was building a family, leaving Akaashi on his side and in his dust. It wasn't Akaashi's fault, and it wasn't Bokuto's, and it wasn't the woman's. Kuroo turned the blame on Cupid and his stupid powers, making people fall in love without getting a say in who it was. Cupid was the nastiest bastard, Kuroo thought spitefully, and he'd love to rip that fat baby from the sky and shove his own bow down his throat. See how he likes it.

"We're allowed to have hopes," Kuroo responded quietly, the silence dipping too long and it was almost time it ran out before it would be just weird to respond. It wasn't what Kuroo wanted to say. He was always good with words, but at this moment, they failed him. Sucks for you! Getting basically dumped on your birthday! Come snuggle with good ol' Kuroo, eh?

"I hate hope," Akaashi put his hand to his head, "it's what I've clung to.. I've always known he was straight. I had hope, I persued him for years. And now we're in our twenties and I've spent so long going after him... I all.. always told myself it.." Akaashi's words sputtered out and he stopped under a streetlamp, blubbering out parts of words and sounds like he'd just learned the language and was doing his best to talk to someone without knowing most of it. His body had stuck itself to the ground, his feet unmoving although it seemed like all he wanted to do was move. His nose and cheeks were a brilliant pink, bitten by the cold to make them such a color. His eyes were dark, squinted to fight his own tears, masking the real color with his thick black lashes.

"I know, Akaashi," Kuroo took a step back towards the other, and the other didn't move. He didn't say anything, his attempts for language falling through as useless. He'd given up. His arm rose over his eyes, as a last stitch attempt to cover up the dam that was cracking.

It was pathetic.

Akaashi was breaking down in a park, standing under a street lamp and trying to catch his tears, over a boy he'd lost so many years ago, but hadn't given up on.