The Mesurement of Love

Prologue ~ Jake

I mean, the tie I'm wearing isn't that ugly,right? It's green and I like green, green is the colours of woods and nature and stuff. But it's such an ugly green. Imagin dark green mixed with mud, it's not even some kind of Khaki, it's just blah green.

I walk towards the mirror, checking to see if the green looks better against my black suit. It doesn't, it reallyreally doesn't. I catch my own eyes in the mirror and instantly look away.I don't like looking at myself anymore, it's just a reminder that I'm not at all the person I promised Tommy to be.
It reminds me off all the emotions I'm keeping just under the surface of my  skin. They're easy to ignore usually, but when I see my own eyes in the mirror, it's like all the secrets, lies, feelings and shame will just spill out of the dark blue circles, looking like tiny bridges to what's inside of me.

And while I'm thinking all these things I end up looking at myself anyway. Just standing there, looking angry at the guy staring back at me.

'' I hate you.'' I whisper to my reflection. He just keeps staring back at me angrily. It's not that I hate myself per se, I'm just dissapointed in myself. People who have had a row with their mother will understand the depth of this. It hurts way more when she says 'I'm not mad, I'm just dissapointed.''

Well, I'm dissapointed in the person I've become. I've become the person that lost the people dearest to him, at the moment they needed me most. I'm the person who dissapointed every single person that ever loved him.

I huff and roll my eyes, after my own little pity party I return my attention the gree tie. And then I decide that I'm not quite finished with the pity party and compare myself to the tie. Once I was a bright  green, a lovely and vibrant colour that excited people. Now, only by not caring enough anymore, I turned into a lifeless colour without any real name.

Looking at the tie, I grit trough my teeth ''You're ugly'', just as I hear the door open and Misha walks in.

''Excuse me? I spent like 500 bucks on that tie, Jake. Since we haven't really decided if you're selling point will be the envirronemnt or mental health we decided to go for something neutral.''

''Neutral? Misha, this tie will probably be the cause of a few mental health problems. Hell, I just spiraled out of control just looking at it.''

''What? You're okay right?'' Now, Misha doesn't ask this with real concern for me.No no, I'm about to take part in a debate that could be really important for my carreer and she just doesn't want me to mess it up. Misha is my campaign leader, I'm going for mayor. Not that I'm really  excited about it.

''Yeah,I'm fine.'' I roll my eyes at her.

''Great! Have you prepared you questions?'' Not waiting for me to actually answer, she goes on ''Jake, what if they ask about what Tommy did?''

I give her a look that woul scare everybody else. A look that says 'Im not talking about it, and if you bring it up again, you're fired.'
A look that would really scare everyone .... except Misha.

'' Don't look at me like that. They'll ask and you'll have no choice but to answer, so it's better you prepare your questions.''

I push myself of the desk I was leaning against and decide to just ignore Misha. The thing you need to now about her is this: she's a machine . There's only thing in the world that Misha wants and that's to one day be Chief of Staff in the White House. She was busy with her first campaign about mental health care for younger childeren when I was living in the appartment under her. One day she caught me on video having a mental breakdown in the laundry room. She put it on her social media and told people that I'm living proof that people out there really need help. When my crying and vulnaribility became an internet hit, she realised I could be her ticket to the big leagues. So she put me in a suit and me the face of her campaign.