our last summer

in which alina misses elliot

All Alina can think of is the party on Sixth Street. She can't get it out of her head, the way she felt when she was dancing. When Elliot grabbed her hands-

Her hair, her mouth, her body.

Way better than any boy like Finn Anderson could do.

She wants to tell Parker how good it felt to see Finn walk in smugly with his new girlfriend just to shrivel up when he saw Alina and a new boy he'd never met in his life sitting together at the diner. She wants to tell Parker how, for a good thirteen hours, she forgot he broke her heart. How it felt like it was mended back together-

Even if only for half a day.

But it's like a secret to keep for herself now, that's how she sees it. She doesn't want to tell him about something that was so intimate in a way, personal. She wants to keep it all for herself.

Besides, who knows if she'll even see him again?

It's all she can think about, though. Everytime Parker texts her to see how she's doing she can barely keep the conversation going because she thinks she'll blurt everything out, and the magic will be ruined. So for two weeks she ignores his calls, text messages, even his occasional stops by her house to see if she's actually doing okay. She gives a "I'm doing okay, uh, I'm painting my room, I'll text you later," and then closes the door on his face and runs back upstairs to fall back on her bed and daydream again.

At night it's a whole different story. Only a week after the first one, she's sneaking out of her window and catching the bus to sixth and grand, hoping to see Brandon and Elliot again. The first weeks she can't find the house because she forgot the directions. She couldn't remember how many rights and how many lefts, and whether the address started with a 2 or a 5.

On the thirteenth day of her mini "quarantine", she does a deep search and ends up finding a flyer that says, BRANDON MICHELSON'S FOURTH OF JULY PARTY, 08.05.19 ONLY. $3 FOR GIRLS, FIVE FOR THE GUYS. His address is printed in small letters at the bottom - 5479 Paloma Street, Los Angeles, CA 90039.

And then she realizes how scared she is to see them again, and she realizes that she might look weird if she shows up again, and they probably don't even remember her anymore- she's just another girl in the crowd, blending in with all the rest of them.

She decides she doesn't want to even go after all, and spends the evening dying her hair back to brown and drinking three bottles of beer.

On the fifteenth day Parker decides to intervene. He calls her at night and tells her she better be awake and ready to leave the house. Reluctantly she agrees, but only because she doesn't want to argue with him about it.

The next day she wakes up when her alarm goes off, the same song repeating for a good five minutes as she lays frozen in bed. She doesn't seem to feel like getting up anymore. But she knows he's going to be mad. This is their last summer together before college starts, and if Alina messes this up by crying over one boy and daydreaming about another he will never forgive her.

She reaches over and turns off her alarm, and then rolls over to look at herself in the closet mirror. She's close enough to see smudged mascara around her eyes, her too pink lips smudged with lipstick. She looks like death.

She sits up abruptly in bed, eyes wide. She grabs her phone to see if she has any missed messages or calls from him. Of course there isn't any, because Finn has never been able to be bothered to send a message to anyone.

Text him right now. She's staring at his contact name in her messages now. The last message he sent was I love you. Tears spring up to her eyes, her chest tightens, her throat closes a little bit. I love you.

Before she even gives herself time to think she's already typing the message out to him. Can we please talk?

She texts Parker, too. Can we meet up in fifteen?

He replies back immediately with an of course.

By the time Alina gets ready and is able to leave the house, she's broken down four times and is on the verge of a fifth as she says goodbye to her father and reassures him that she'll be home by six pm. Her eyes look puffy as she gets into Parker's car. He stares at her blankly and she says, "At least the mascara is waterproof, right?"

"You need to stop thinking about him," he says as he begins to drive. The sky is clear and blue, just like it was on the first day that Finn and Alina first kissed, Alina thinks. The sky is clear and blue, just like it was on the day that Parker realized he loved her.

"It's not that easy, Parker," she says softly. "I gave him everything."

"I warned you and you didn't listen," he says.

"I know." She turns her head away to look out of the window before he sees the tears springing up in her eyes once again.

He's had girlfriends, definitely. Maybe four or five, three serious ones. The last time he cried about a breakup was perhaps in sophomore year when he and Rachael broke up, but after that he decided not to feel anything for girls anymore. After that, it was purely for pleasure and to feel as though he belonged to someone. But once they left it was okay, it was time to move on to the next girl. Part of him doesn't really understand why she's so attached to Finn, but another part understands. Slightly.

"We're gonna go to Barney's, okay?"

"I don't care."

"You're gonna be the only girl."

"I genuinely don't care."

"Alina, I'm taking you back home if all you're gonna do is cry over a guy whose name is Finn."

"Sorry."

He doesn't answer her, just turns up the volume on the music- can i call you tonight, i'm trying to make up my mind on just how i feel.

He's driving fast down the highway. The boys decided to leave Barney's house and go to the beach for the day. Alina is stuck in the back with Mike and Justin, Drew having taken the front seat of the car. She looks at ease but knowing her he knows she's uncomfortable being the only girl right now. Usually Natalie is there stealing all the attention from the boys, clasping Alina's hand in her own to reassure her that everything's cool, they're just one of the guys.

Natalie decided to ditch today to see her new summer boyfriend, Alexei. He's from Serbia and likes to brood and complain about French people and the economy- the total opposite of Natalie, but she insists that they're compatible. Parker doesn't really care for the guy, he knows that by the end of the month she'll be bored with him and find a reason to break up with him.

"Dude," Drew is saying, holding up a red puff bar. "You mind if I smoke really quick?"

"Blow it out the window," he replies.

Drew proceeds to take a big hit and exhale it out without opening the window, the scent of artificial watermelon filling up the vehicle.

"Dude, I said not in the car.'

"At least it smells good, right?"

"Smells like a nicotine addiction," Justin says, grabbing the device from Drew to take a hit for himself. He looks over at Alina, gesturing to it. "You want?"

Alina wrinkles her nose in disgust. Finn smokes those all the time, and she doesn't even know why. Nicotine is for depressed losers, she thinks. "No, thank you."

He shrugs and passes it to Mike.

Parker looks at her through the mirror. She's pulling her body closer to her, folding in her arms and looking out the window. He wishes he knew a way to make her feel better, but he knows he has to let her just get over it without getting involved. As he looks behind him to switch lanes he locks eyes with her. You okay? He mouths quickly to her.

She smiles, but her eyes fill with tears. She swipes at her eyes before anyone can see them fall.