I still think about you
Find you in the music I listen to
Call out to you in the songs I sing
See you in the books I read
Remember you through the words I write
I had tried to imagine you
And even if it was incomplete
I fell for what I found
And it hurt for you to say that
All I fell for was a mirage
Sometimes the memories come rushing back
And I realise we've been through so much and so little
That the space between the Before and the After was in fact no space at all
There is a disembodied voice I miss but no longer remember
A void left by the space you used to occupy that even your return cannot fill
It is not your fault
That I let you in so easily when I am so vulnerable
That I let your words crush me the way they used to lift me
But I cannot deny that I wish
That you who never meant to stay could've left me alone
In the first place
Don't lie, to me or to yourself
There never really were probable tomorrows for me in your life
I know the heart I'm breaking is my own
I know it may have more to do with circumstance than with you
I know you are my excuse to cry the way you used to be my escape
I know life is exciting, and we will both move on
I know there will be a day I cannot even remember why I'd romanticise this
I'd read these lines and find them cheesy
I'd sing these songs and think only about the melody
I'd stop wondering if I'm special to you, if I still cross your mind
I'd go on new adventures and meet new people
I'd find myself again, my confidence and my sass
But I think I'd want to remember
Not to let anyone break me so easily again
