Multi-Character One-Shots

Would It Be Enough If I Could Never Give You Peace

Clyde Logan x Reader

Warnings: references to depression, hints of wanting to die, mental health issues, just really sad
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It was just one of those days. Your mind took over and made your whole body tired and feel sick. You did everything in your power to surround yourself with every bit of sadness because, for some reason, the thought of happiness just seemed like it was too good for you. You didn't deserve happiness. You didn't deserve anything. You felt worthless, you were someone who contributed nothing to life, nothing to anyone.

You just lay in bed scrolling through your social channels seeing all the people you considered friends go about their days in happiness. You wished that could be you. You knew that the darkness of your mind dimmed their light. You saw them getting closer with one another without you because of it. They were happier without you and you just wanted to sink into the darkness. Let it take you away to somewhere better, somewhere that didn't let you feel this hurt, this pain. You thought about how easy it would be to do, to shut up your mind.

The tears fell in buckets. You couldn't stop even though you wished you could. And that's when you heard the door. You tried to quiet your sobs as you laid, locked in the guest bedroom. You'd hoped Clyde wouldn't hear you. That he'd retire to the usual bedroom you slept in together and not think anything of it. But the weight of your mind pushed the tears out harder and it was getting tougher to breathe naturally as the sobs began breaking from silence.

You heard a knock on the door and rolled to your side and tucked into the covers.

"Darlin, ya in there?" You heard his soft, smooth voice and it broke your heart. He was the one you feared of dimming the most. You did not answer, you only tried to soften your sobs. He wouldn't understand. You didn't want him to see you like this. He'd break up with you if he did.

You're just too much.

"I know yer in there sweetheart so either ya unlock the door and lemme in or I'll go get the key n' come in myself."

You didn't move. He'd never find that key anyway. You hid it.

You heard his footsteps all over the house searching, searching, searching. Your sobs had subsided and you were left with the booming noise of your thoughts. Repetitions of the person you could never be. Of the things, you could never have.

The fidgeting doorknob slowed your thoughts and you immediately became frightened at the thought of Clyde coming in. You weren't ready to have a conversation. Not with him, not with anyone. Not when you felt like this, it wasn't fair to him.

You could see the light fill the room though your eyes were shut. You could feel their puffy, swollen weight screaming at you to keep them shut. You could feel Clyde's presence as he just stood in the doorway examining your current state. Your back was facing him but he knew something was wrong. You wouldn't have locked yourself in the guest bed if it wasn't.

He had been around you long enough to know you. To know you don't like to talk about your feelings. You'd been groomed not to. By nature, you had the biggest heart and were so supportive of every single person you cared about yet, somehow, it was never returned to you. Whether you cared about it or not, you kept on loving, kept on spreading kindness wherever and whenever you could. Little did he know that sometimes it was tiring on your mind, though you never articulated it either.

Clyde tried his best every day to make sure you knew how much he loved and cared for you. And he did. Every day. But unfortunately, it wasn't that easy. Unfortunately, you grew up in a world that told you love would never come to you, or never last just because of the way you looked. And then you started to believe that everyone around you, those who seemed to care for you, were all just putting on a show. That once you left, their true feelings about you came to the surface.

You just always felt so alone.

Clyde knew this, and why he willingly stuck around was something you could never wrap your head around. You also didn't know how he even found you attractive. You were hideous, how could anyone love you when you look the way you do? These are the thoughts you had that always doubt him and think he would leave.

You felt his large frame gravitate towards you as the cool air reached your back. The mattress shifted as you felt him curl in behind you.

"What's wrong darlin?" His caring voice only activated more tears from your eyes. You hoped if you pushed him away he would just go. That he would just leave you alone like you deserved to be.

But he didn't.

"Please tell me." His arm wrapped around your waist as he used his strength to pull you in closer to him. You immediately swatted his hand away feeling insecure about his arm there.

"It's nothing, just leave me alone." You tried to scoot yourself away from him but he was too quick. His arm came back to your waist only this time, it forced you to turn so you were laying on your back. Your hands immediately covered your face trying to shield him from seeing your wet, red eyes. You once again felt the bed shift only this time he was climbing on top of you, straddling your waist between his legs. His massive hands covered your own and pulled them away from your face.

You kept your eyes closed. You couldn't look into those kind, soulful eyes of his that might be losing their light because of you. But you could feel his gaze burning into you, trying to determine his next move. His thumb came to graze your face taking your falling tears with it as he wiped them away. That only made them fall more. You turned your face away from him but he caught you in his palm.

"I'm not goin anywhere darlin so will ya please jus talk ta me. I jus wanna know yer ok." He cradled your face as his other hand caressed your scalp trying to give you a sense of calm with his touch. He hated seeing you like this. It broke his heart. But it made him want to fight for you even more. To let you know how beautiful you are, how smart and talented you are, how kind and generous you are even when you don't need to be. To let you know that no matter what your mind is making you think or feel, that he is here, he is real, and he loves you with everything he has.

"I'm so sorry," you whispered out barely to be heard as your tears still fell. His hands forced your face to align with his own and for some reason, you opened your eyes. You saw his brow furrowed, his face riddled with hurt and guilt.

"What on earth are ya sorry for," he said softly. You looked at him confused. You knew you had to apologize for being this way.

"I'm sorry you have to deal with...with all this, with me," you said through the tears.

"Oh, sweetheart," he said, voice breaking as his own tears threatened to fall. "I'm not dealin. I love every single second I have with ya. Good or bad. And I love ya with everythin I have. Ya are enough. Ya are the best thing that's ever happened ta me and I wouldn't be able ta go on without ya. Never doubt that." He was sweet but stern. He wanted to make sure you understood and knew his words were true.

"Now, ya don't need to tell me anythin unless ya want to. You can let it all out and cry as much as ya want. But, I'm not leavin. I'm not goin anywhere. And I am goin ta pull ya into ma chest and hold ya til the hurt is gone."

You looked at him with the saddest eyes he'd ever seen but he knew you understood. He removed himself from on top of you and laid by your side, pulling you in, and hugging you tight.

You let your tears fall as the feeling of his heartbeat against your back calmed you. You knew the hurt would never be truly gone. You knew you'd have more days like this. But now, now you were certain that you had at least one person who would stick around even when things got tough. And you would always be grateful to him for that.