"Female Bullying"

She Wanted to See it Again

"Dad!" Cameron called as she opened the door to her house. "I'm home!"

"Welcome home, Cameron." She heard her father say from the living room. "Go upstairs and start your homework. Dinner will be ready in two hours."

She took off her fleece lined coat, woolly scarf and grey gloves, hanging them on the coat rack by the door, so that when it came time for her to go outside again Cameron wouldn't have to waste time finding it.  Then she  went to her room as she was told. 

It was just as neat as she'd left it. Everything in Cameron's room had it's place. Books, Pencils, hairbands. Nothing was ever lost in her precise system of a bedroom. She knew where everything was and could probably navigate it blindfolded. It was one of the few things she felt she had control over.

Cameron slung her bag over the back of her chair and sat down, ready to welcome the weekend. She stretched her arms and let out a heavy sigh. But as she relaxed her mind cleared. The busy thoughts in her head had kept her from thinking. Although to say she'd nearly forgotten about the thing she'd been avoiding would be a lie. In truth, Cameron had found it resurfacing multiple times during the day. But now, without any idle thoughts to push it back, it surfaced as clear as she'd seen it the first time.

That face.

What was it? Laurens had never...looked that way before. She had never looked at Cameron that way before. Her eyes glazed over and watering, her eyebrows upturned, lips slightly parted. Laurens had looked- sad? 

No. Vulnerable. (The word seemed closer, but still not quite right.)

Usually Cameron only saw fear in the girl's face. That she was used to. But this? This was something else. And Cameron didn't like it. Didn't like what it did to her. Even thinking about it again shot a flash of adrenaline that started in her chest and spread like an accelerated tumour throughout her body, forcing her to exhale a shaky breath. Why was it even affecting her? Since when did she care how Laurens felt?

Tch. I'll make the brat pay on Monday for trying to distract me...

That's what she was doing right? Laurens was just trying to distract Cameron so she wouldn't hurt her more. Trying to confuse her. Ha! Pathetic. Did she really think such foolish tactics would work? Really, all it did was make Laurens look like a coward.

Laurens had always been a coward. Cameron knew that from the moment the girl had transferred to her school. She was too scared to make any friends, she never spoke up in class and she didn't stand up to authority figures. A true coward.

At first, Cameron had pitied her. She'd seen how weak and low she was on the social ladder and thought about using her position to help her up a few rungs, perhaps even invite her into the outer circle of friends. (Not quite the inner circle. That was reserved for one boyfriend and two best friends only.)

But then Cameron started to watch closer. She saw the way Laurens chewed her lip when she was thinking, how she twirled her golden blonde hair around her fingers when she had nothing else to do with her hands, how she stared into space when she was bored in class. 

Cameron kept noticing these and other various mannerisms. They always caught her eye. She couldn't look away.

Cameron didn't need such annoyance in her group. Why would she want to subject herself to that? It would just bring constant distractions, making her loose focus of her work.

So Cameron had decided to ignore her. She'd let the girl decide her own path through school like the other plebs. Then she'd become just another meaningless speck of dust in Cameron's life.

But even though she had tried to ignore her, those annoying habits still managed to captivate her attention. Laurens' very existence seemed to distract Cameron and she had begun to wonder if she was doing it on purpose. It certainly wasn't Cameron's doing. If she had been able to look away (believe her;  she wanted to), she would have already.  She couldn't remember ever feeling that way before. It didn't feel natural.

So the only possible explanation was that Laurens had been doing it on purpose.

If that was so, then Cameron had decided to tell Laurens to stop. Stop whatever ridiculous spell the girl held over her head. She just had to talk to her.

———

And talk to her she had. Albeit not quite the way she intended to, but it seemed to work nevertheless.

She had decided to approach her after lunch: Cameron figured this would give her the most time to work something out with Laurens. She'd brought her two 'closest' friends with her, more for intimidation than moral support. The blonde girl was sat alone on her usual bench before Cameron interrupted her thoughts.

Lauren's warm hazel eyes met Cameron's cold storm-grey ones and Cameron forgot her entire plan. That (mixed with the burning feeling at the tips of her ears) was the final straw. She snapped.

Cameron realised the only way to get Laurens to change her ways was to punish her. So since that day she had the girl complete all her homework assignments and obey all her commands. Cameron made sure Laurens knew that any resistance would have its consequences.

She hadn't meant to be violent at first. But Laurens wouldn't stop- wouldn't stop being----she....

But Laurens had never looked like that before. Her eyes had always held a whisper of defiance in their interactions. This time they were just empty. And Cameron didn't know what that meant. But that wasn't the scariest part.

What was the part that scared her the most? What nagging want had taken over her foremost thoughts and spiralled her emotions into a blinding mix of confusion and yearning?

She wanted to see it again.

And that was terrifying.

"Dinner, Cameron." Her father's voice up the stairs startled her from her thoughts and she once again slunk back to the safety of distractions, distantly dreading the visions the night's dreams were bound to bring.