A New Normal

Alan couldn't sleep. There was too much anxiety keeping the youngest Tracy awake and he lay tossing and turning on his rug on the floor. He slept on the floor these days; it was just a habit. His bed was way too stuffy. The floor, however, was cool and soothing.

It had been a week since they'd brought Dad home from the Oort Cloud.

Dad. Home. He still couldn't quite believe it. After eight years. Alan had been just nine years old when he'd disappeared, feared dead by everyone. Alan hadn't fully understood what had happened back then, not for a while. Time made it marginally better.

They say there are seven stages of grief: shock, denial, anger, bargaining, guilt, depression, and acceptance. Alan had been stuck in shock and denial for a very long time. Even now, seventeen, high school graduate and astronaut, he wasn't fully into the acceptance stage.

When they'd first decrypted their dad's signal from Braman, it was like it happened all over again. Initial shock at the revelation, anger that they'd ever stopped looking, and the guilt of thinking his father was dead all this time. But then came acceptance and hope – they would find a way to bring him home. And they had. So why couldn't Alan sleep peacefully?

Scott always had the answers. Always knew exactly what to say. Alan decided he needed his big brother's reassurance. Yes, that would help him settle.

He got to his feet and tiptoed to his bedroom door, opening it and exiting into the upstairs corridor where all their rooms were. Scott's was two doors down past Gordon's. It had long ago been decided the Terrible Two's rooms would be separated from the middle twos by the eldest's. With their tendency to be pulling pranks and rife with endless energy, even Alan had to admit it made sense. Their older brothers still indulged them, of course, but they also needed their downtime.

The hairs on the back of his neck prickled and he stopped in his tracks. There was another figure already in the corridor. Alan almost broke into a run thinking it was Scott until the shadow came into view. With his walking stick.

"Oh, hey, Dad!" he said awkwardly, waving a hand extravagantly before immediately pinning it back to his side. He was incredibly nervous, and antsy, he couldn't stop bouncing on his feet.

"Hey, Alan," Jeff said softly. "What are you doing out of bed? Is everything okay?"

Alan couldn't help himself; he froze on the spot. This was starkly unfamiliar territory. Usually, his curious nature and need for adventure wouldn't hesitate to investigate, or even show off. But it was Dad. Alan realised he didn't really know how to react and that really unsettled him.

"I - umm – uhh –" he stammered, feeling his face heat up. His heart was racing, he could feel it beating in his ears. His feet wouldn't move either, he was stuck. He'd faced certain death so many times before out on rescues, and this was what caused him to clam up? He was both annoyed and embarrassed. He felt like a deer in the headlights, and there was no one to slam on the brakes.

"Do you want a drink?"

Alan shook his head, still unmoving. He didn't want to think it, but he wanted out of there. He was upset about that actually. This was Dad, he wasn't scary, wasn't intimidating. Except he was. Alan had basically grown up without him, without his influence. All he'd known had been Scott and his brothers, Kayo, Grandma, and Brains. All of his International Rescue memories, all of his education milestones, Dad hadn't been there.

Dad was intimidating to him because he felt like a stranger. His stomach turned at that.

He tried to say something. "I – I'm happy you're home, Dad, really, I -"

"Alan?"

Scott's voice. Alan automatically relaxed, the emergency stop protocol had been initiated and the deer sent running for safety. Well, Alan didn't run to Scott's side, but he probably may as well have.

"Dad?" Scott asked, putting an arm around Alan's shoulders. He watched as Dad looked at them both with sadness in his eyes and Alan's heart broke. He'd longed for so long to have his Dad back and now he was right here, and all Alan could do was cling to Scott. He could see so clearly in his father's eyes how much Dad wanted him, his youngest son, to run to him for comfort.

"My sleep cycle is still a little disrupted from my many years in space," Dad said. "It was bound to happen."

Scott nodded and Alan sensed the same awkwardness in the air – his eldest brother was also unsettled and that both calmed Alan and made him feel worse. Scott always knew what to do, always.

"Right, well," he said, "I've got him, Dad. Goodnight."

Alan forced his feet to obey as he was steered in the direction of Scott's room and he felt the tightness in his chest ease a little. In a daze, he ended up sat on his brother's bed where he automatically shifted to sit against the wall with his knees against his chest.

Scott sat beside him, a warm hand resting on his shoulder. "What's wrong, Alan?"

Alan rested his chin on his arms. "I couldn't sleep."

"I gathered that much. Any reason? Talk to me."

Alan sniffed, feeling tears springing from his eyes. "I thought having Dad home would make everything better."

"Oh, Allie," Scott said, pulling him close. "It will be better; it's just going to take some time. All of us have been so used to not having him around he just doesn't fit in yet. We'll get there."

"I hate it," Alan moaned. "He's Dad, you know? I shouldn't be freezing up around him. What's wrong with me?"

"Nothing, Alan, nothing," Scott soothed, gently rubbing his back. "It'll be a learning curve for all of us. I think we underestimated how tough it would be. We were so focused on bringing him home that we didn't think about what would happen once we did."

"It's hard for you too?"

Scott nodded. "Yeah. I guess I'm so used to being in charge all the time I don't know how to not be the Commander around here."

Alan thought about that. Rescues since Dad had been home had been a little off. For starters, whereas before it was always Scott calling the shots once John briefed them on the mission, Dad sat at his desk had started to make suggestions or question John and because it'd undermined Scott's given authority it just threw their whole rhythm off.

And whenever it was a space rescue, Dad would be adamant Alan shouldn't fly alone. He never heard it himself, but given Kayo seemed to join him every time it was kind of a given. It hadn't knocked Alan's confidence before because he hadn't really thought about it.

"Dad needs to trust us too," Alan finished, and they sat there in companionable silence for a few minutes. Alan felt a whole lot better.

"He's proud of you, you know," Scott said eventually. "Of how switched-on you are in the Field, how grown-up you are." Alan sent him a disgruntled look at that. "How you graduated high school early. The whole flying-a-rocket-before-graduating-school thing was probably the biggest shock to him with you. After all, you weren't even ten when he disappeared. Watching you fly Thunderbird 3 was probably not what he had in mind on coming home to."

Alan couldn't help but chuckle at that. He had only been allowed to fly Thunderbird 3 after rigorous astronaut training approved by John and Grandma. He'd worked for it, and maybe Dad just needed to see that.

Eight years was half of Alan's life and was quite a long time for one to grow up, especially from a child to a young adult. They had all changed, all adapted to their circumstances and there was still more to work out. International Rescue was nothing without them. They were at their best when they were out there saving lives, dealing with the unexpected and the unpredictable, problem-solving in the most efficient ways.

Scott was right. With Dad, they had to be patient. It would all be okay with a little time.