From the minute I wake up in the morning till the second I lay my head down to sleep. .
All I can ever think about is how I wish I were
Thin. Skinny. Frail. Fragile. Small.
I want to see my bones slightly protruding through my skin. .
I want to be a fragile little girl. .
I want heads to turn when I walk in a room. .
I want to feel beautiful. .I want to be beautiful. .
Perfect. .
I want to be free
Food:So far today I’ve eaten a salad from my school’s cafeteria.
It was probably too many calories and I should feel guilty
But I’m not going to eat anything else today.
If I slip I’m going to force myself to throw up
Drink:1 Diet Dr. Pepper- 0 calories
My eating disorder started when I was 12.
I never really cared about how I looked before that.
I was a Tom Boy, I guess.
But when I started middle school everyone around me
Seemed to care about looks and clothes and hair.I felt ugly.
All I wanted was to be pretty.
I started going shopping and wearing make-up and straightening my hair
but nothing was making me feel as pretty as everyone esle
One day, after I got out of the shower
I looked in the mirror and realized what was wrong.
I was fat.
I decided that the first step would be to go on a diet.
I begged my mom to buy me a beauty magazine and i googled everything I could about diets.
I started by eating fruit in the morning
A salad in the afternoon
And meat and veggies in the evening.
But I wasn’t losing weight.
Slowly I started to cut more and more from my diet and when I would stray
I would feel like a piece of shit.
I deceided that the only way to keep on track
Was to punish myself for eating fattening things.
Everytime i strayed…I would cut myself.
I strayed less and cut more and more
I started losing large amounts of weight each month.
But nothing was ever good enough.
I got down to 88 pounds and was happy there.
“Anorexia is just another word for nothing left to lose.”
Joy Behar
