Panzerfaust

Chapter 30 - Sophia

April 29th, 1945, Prague, Protectorate of Bohemia and Moravia

She came back every single day.

Sneaking in candies and delicacies they shared quietly over the duvets where no one else saw it. They shared secrets too, half-heartedly; wounds too tender for words yet. 

Sophia Skorzeny knew that Czecz Sophia went through unspoken horrors without her outright telling tale about them; she knew she lost a child she didn't wanted - from a man she loathed, yet mourned for it as any mother would. 

'Why are German men are so soulless?' 

The young girl once asked her as they were soaking up in the early spring sun on the narrow hospital bed, finishing up a plate of cherries Sophia got from the farmer's market this morning. 'I think they hate all women, including their own wives.'

'I-i-i don't know.' 

Younger Sophia sides eyes her so hard, she continues, stammering. 'My husband is Austrian. He is... not a bad man.' 

Isn't he? 

Otto Skorzeny never beated his wife nor did he forced himself on her.... He just helped staging a coup in her country and isolated her from her entire family. There is a bitter taste in her mouth from a dinner of duck and wine, with a tangy aftertaste and hazy thoughts swimming in her head. 

He gave me a choice to be his wife or not. 

And I said yes. 

Although I have no idea what would have happened if I said no. 

The girl shrugs her shoulders, sitting up. 

'I think they are all monsters. Only monsters do things like that. And only monsters let it happen.' 

The next morning Frau Skorzeny takes the steps to her friend's ward by the double; intended to share the fresh pastry - still warm from the bakery - with her Freundin; only to find the room vacant.  Dropping the package on the cold floor, she runs out of the door only to collide with an uniformed chest and a pair of steel grey eyes. 

'Jochen! Sophia is gone! We have to find her, we have to...!'

She is quickly cut off by Peiper's sombre answer, holding her by the arms to prevent her from falling in her zeal.

'Yes, Heydrich took her back to Panenske Brezany. He wasn't very happy when he learned you were visiting his whore.'

'Do not ever call her that! That man kidnapped her! Raped her! And still does. We have to do something!'

'What we're doing is leaving Bohemia right now. The boy will continue his recovery in Berlin.'

No! Sophia wanted to scream into his prim face to make him understand. Would I be like her if Otto Skorzeny was a man like this Heydrich? A doll to be used and taken care of in a maternity ward, never bringing a live child into this world? Would I be an Untermensch?

'Jochen, I want you to understand...'

Cupping her cheeks in his cold hands, the soldier's rough fingertips wipe away the tears flowing freely from cat-green eyes, shushing her.

'Liebe Sophie, the man who kept your Freundin here is the most powerful entity in this godforsaken country. He is like a God here; there is nothing you nor I can do against him. He is untouchable. That's why we need to leave now.' 

May 1st, near Dresden, Greater German Reich

Ever since childhood, Sophia Edelsheim loved trains. 

Trains were a never ending journey; a new scenery, with new people and new experiences. Trains were like Vati, they did not knew how to love, but still provided the false sense of aim that by the end of the tracks there is a meaning behind the voyage. 

But now, all she feels is deja vu; with another wordless German officer in the cabin, in another time and for a not so different reason, stroking her gold locks in what they must think is a reassuring manner.

Touch is the deadliest enemy of loyalty - by touch we are betrayed and betray others ... in a gesture of comfort that lies like a thief, that takes, not gives, that wants, not offers, that awakes, not pacifies. 

'You thought about having an affair with me. I can see it in your eyes.' She takes a long pause, waiting for his reaction, like a cat who plays with a mouse before sinking its teeth into its victim. 'I can sense it, too.'

The officer drops his caressing hand with a sigh, avoiding eye contact.

'Admit it!' The temptation is great to call him a coward, but she bit her tongue in the last minute. Her blood was boiling, and in her anger she wanted him to feel as powerless and miserable as she felt like - like a cornered animal ready to lash out. 

'Yes, I did.' He is quiet for a while, absentmindedly stroking his long finger over his lips; like he always did when frustrated. 'More than once.'

'You sick bastard! Grey eyes flare up with those words, sparkling anger at the young woman. 'Your wife is at home with your children, praying for your safe return... And you dare to say you know about honour?'

'Mine was a political marriage; wasn't yours? Jochen snaps back, calmness gone. 'I will not apologize for wanting more than that in my life.' 

Moving away from his close proximity, Sophia presses her forehead against the cold glass of the window, nose pinching to prevent those treasonous tears to fall. 

'Why me?' She asks at last. 

'The law of loving others could not be discovered by reason, because it is unreasonable. You were the first person in a while who showed some basic human kindness towards me.' Sighing deeply, the young German officer buries his face in his hands before fixing his gaze on hers. 'I'm sorry... about the girl. I really am.'

'Me too.' 

Notes:

Freundin, girlfriend, in German

The law of loving others could not be discovered by reason, because it is unreasonable, quote by Tolstoy's Anna Karenina

The Czech Sophia is from amallolecki's amazing fic Beauty and the Beast - go and read it.