Safe Behind Bars

Chapter 4

She woke up with a fright. 

Her eyes were blurry and puffy but they were ready to open.  She couldn't force herself to sleep anymore. 

There was life outside.  She'd been hibernating for too long.  She heard something downstairs.  She'd hoped it was Daxton.  She moved from her bed to the door. 

His door was still closed.  God help me.  She made her way down the stairs.  Her hands were shaking and her heart was pounding in her head. 

She was stupid for walking down alone but would it be so bad if they'd found her?  It would shorten the process.  She rounded the corner and jumped at the sight of a very shirtless Daxton, frying pan in hand. 

She covered her heart with her hand as if it would still it.

"What the hell, Daxton!" 

He turned and paused.  He did a scan over her half exposed body.  In nothing but a shirt and some dance pants, she was quite vulnerable. 

"I thought you were a damn intruder." 

He put down the frying pan.  He had made himself bacon and eggs.  Must be a luxury for him since he was in the army.

"And why exactly did you come downstairs in practically nothing and didn't thinking calling me if it was?" 

She made her way to the island in the middle of the kitchen and sat down on one of the cafe chairs.

"It was instinct, I guess." 

He turned back to the plate in front of him.
 
"You should've called me first." 

She shot him a death glare, he didn't see though.  She hated the thought of having to call on him for every little noise.  She was an independent girl. 

He moved towards her and put the plate down on the table.  She stared at it, mouth watering slightly.  He started washing the dishes in the sink.
 
"You're welcome," he said, not looking up. 

She wasn't gonna thank him.  Thank him for what?  For captivity?  Yeah, thanks a heap.  She wanted ro get out.  She needed to get out.  It had been a month.  A month of keeping her mouth shut.  A month of taming her reckless mind.  A month of controlling her hands from shaking.  A month of sctratching wood to try to keep her from sctratching her skin.  It didn't help though.  She had scarres on her arms from subconscious failures at trying to calm her anxiety. 

She looked up at him, realizing he was looking at her.  He was leaning against the counter with his arms crossed over his very chissled chest.  Was he waiting for a 'thank you'?  She pushed the food away without taking her eyes off of him. 

There was a quiet screaming with him.  He was calm but his authority was prominent.  It was terrifying.  He ruined her.  Every single time she's felt like she's okay and she can handle everything day by day, he perks in asking how she was and how she slept and how her cuts and scratches were healing. 

It played tricks on her mind.  He played tricks on her mind.  She had to get out.  Fast!  He didn't move his gaze off from her.

"Don't want it?  Fine." 

He grabbed the plate and slammed it into the sink.  The plate broke and food went everywhere.  She did want it.
"Clean it up."

"The hell?!" 

She stood up and walked right up to him, every furious feeling that had collected over a month rising back up.  She no longer was scared of him. 

"You're a pig!  I am so tired of you!  You and your commands, your boasting about how much authority you have over me!  Do you wanna prove it?  Fine, prove it!  I'm sure you've been itching to hit me ever since the cells.  So, go on, hit me!  Hit me hard!" 

He stared at her as she spat in his face and threw words at him.  He just calmly leant against the counter and waited for her to move away or slap him.  Either way, he waited.  When he never did anything she slapped him and that's when he reacted.  He grabbed her wrist, tight.  And right over her cuts.

"Don't slap me." 

She gasped and tried to wriggle free but he held firmly.  He wasn't hurting her, he was just being rough.

"Finally, a reaction."  She cooed.  "Hit me, throw me against the wall and pummel me.  I know you've wanted to." 

He loosened his grip but didn't let go.  With the other hand, he lifted her chin patronizingly.  She thought he was gonna hit her so she flinched but he didn't hurt her.

"Do you honestly think that having authority means having the freedom to hurt?" 

A glimpse of fear flashed into her eyes and he saw it.  The trembling started again and all of a sudden she was terrified of his touch and his presence.
 
"Well, doesn't it?"  She whispered. 

He clenched his jaw.  Their bodies were close together, mixing in their heat.
 
"I would never do anything to hurt you."

She moved her chin free of his grasp and tried to push away but he still had a tight hand on her wrist. 

"It's my job to protect you, Ashlen." 

He said my name.  But that's all I am to him.  A job.  I'm not a soul, I'm not sensitive.  I don't have emotions.  I'm rock to him.  He doesn't see what is going inside my mind!  

She lowered her head so she didn't have to look up at him. 

"Please let go." 

He let her go and she moved away fast.  I have to get out.  He's gonna snap.  He'll kill me!  I could never fight him!  He'll never keep his patience.  I have to get out!  Soon!  

She ran up the stairs and closed the door fast.  She tried to catch her breath but she couldn't.  She leaned her head back against the hard wooden door and closed her eyes trying to fight off demons closing in at every side. 

She tried to find the light that led her to her mothers' smiling face.  She tried and tried and eventually failed. 

She kept her eyes closed as she began to breathe slower.  A picture flashed into her mind.  It was her mother but she was getting punched over and over. 

A man was standing over her.  A tall, big, sluggish man who'd she said would never hurt her.  Did Mom lie?  Why is it coming back now?! 

Ash tried so hard to keep it down.  She choked and scratched and clawed to keep the feelings down in a black void but they were all flinging back up and clutching her by the throat, ready to squeeze any life in her out. 

She was young.  She didn't want to hope but hope's all she had.   She didn't want to feel but she had to, to feel nothing.  Fight fire with fire.  Don't feel it!  It's nothing.  He's nothing.  

She slid down the door until she was sitting on the ground, her back to the door.  Her eyes were stinging but she kept them tightly closed. 

She couldn't look forward and she wouldn't dare look back.  There was only now.  And now...now didn't exist.

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yeah, this is sad but it gets better really soon.
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