Finding Nowhere

Chapter 2

Chapter 2                                 

Almost two weeks previously

“Tori….Tori………..Tori!”

Tori tore her eyes away from the corner of the ceiling of her lecture hall.

“What?” she mumbled

“You were totally in space. Again!” Katie whispered.

“Oh right. Sorry, I was just day dreaming.” Tori replied.

“Yeah you’ve always got your head in the clouds, sometimes I don’t think you live in reality.”

Tori had met Katie in the first year of university. They had met at a freshers’ party when Katie had roped Tori into helping her lose the ‘desperate-to-win-her-back’ ex-boyfriend, and they had been friends ever since. They were now a little way through their third year and Katie was the closest person Tori could call a proper friend.

Sitting next to Katie would make most girls feel inadequate but it was a dynamic that suited Tori. Tori was attractive, her light brown hair, electric blue eyes and pale skin were a comforting combination, but Katie always seemed perfection personified. It wasn't something that bothered Tori though; she was content and happy with what she had. She also welcomed anonymity; attention was not something she wanted.

“Did I miss anything?” Tori asked worried.

“Not really, you can have my notes. A few of us are going for drinks after uni you wanna come?"

Tori knew exactly what “drinks” meant.  Katie was on the prowl, after having recently ditched her two month relationship with a first year. Katie got bored easily with boys and Tori wasn’t in the mood tonight to watch on the sidelines while Katie had five guys buying her drinks.  She loved that Katie still asked her to do things, the others in their group had given up long ago, but a night out wasn't something she could handle. Tori had suffered a long week and was too tired to even entertain the idea of socialising.

“I really don’t think I could handle a night out, my week has sucked.”

 “Oh ok, if you're sure. I want my wing man there, but I think Ella is going, she’ll just have to make do.” Katie replied making a stupid face.

"So if everyone can translate the paragraph for next lesson and have your essays done for then too.  Now remember everyone Francais est amusant!" the lecturer exclaimed, imparting the assignment and some enthusiasm onto her class before the students hurried out the door.

"Non, c'est les garçons francais qui sont amusantes." Katie laughed as they gathered their things and walked down the steps of the lecture hall.

"You would know, I personally think the ones I have encountered haven't been aware of personal space."

"Je préfère manger des pains au chocolat, à pied le long de la seine." Tori continued.

"Tu est ennuyeux." Katie poked her tongue at Tori.

"Tu est une salope." Tori replied laughing.

Katie playfully shoved her and the girls walked through the double doors heading for lunch.

Tori and Katie joined their group of friends in the dining hall at a large table, which was really just two tables combined. "Hey guys" Tori and Katie spoke in unison

"Hey" various group members replied and a few others smiled.

"So how was French?" Stewart asked.

"The usual, Tori nearly fell asleep, the lecturer lectured." Katie smiled and nudged Tori.

The girls found two chairs next to each other and sat down.

The chatter and buzz at the table comforted and relaxed Tori and that’s how she liked it, sitting on the sidelines watching and listening. No one really tried to connect with her anymore, after they realised they couldn’t even make a chip in the wall that she had built around herself. Small talk and being able to sit with them was all she asked of them, and they gave it to her. It was a shame too, they thought she seemed like a lovely, fun person at the beginning of first year. Then one day it was like she just shut down. She eventually emerged form her self-imposed prison, but not completely. It was apparent how closed of she had become. They didn’t know that she saw it as the easier, safer option, because they hadn’t known her long enough to be able to draw her out. Maybe they didn’t understand why she withdrew, but they did know that it wasn’t healthy. Nevertheless it was her decision and none of them could change that.

"I'm away to get lunch," Tori said, as she pushed her chair away from the table and stood up "you want some?" she gestured to Katie.

"Nah. This place doesn't do balanced diet. I've got stuff with me."

"Yeah ‘cause rice crackers are balanced." Rolling her eyes she walked towards the lunch counters. 

* * *

Tori's last class for the day was genetics and it flew by, as her favourite it always did. Genetics for her was like solving a big puzzle, finding patterns and reasons for things. As she had gotten further into her degree her appetite for it had only grown. They were currently on developmental genetics, which was always something that astounded Tori, much like evolution. The ability for one tiny cell to grow and develop into something much larger, so intricate and amazing, it baffled her. Evolution was even more fascinating to her, things mutating and changing, developing to fit the organisms’ needs, and although the evolution process happened over a much greater length of time, it didn't lose its appeal.

Stepping out into the cool breeze of the afternoon when class was over, she bumped into a few of the others. The sky held the promise of snow, but was yet to deliver and Tori stared longingly at it as she trundled along to her car. She loved the snow, yet still hated the fact that winter seem to begin even earlier each year. Katie begged again for Tori to come tonight but soon relented knowing it would be no use. Tori very rarely came out anymore, she would come to the odd bar every now and again, but she hadn't been to a club since roughly halfway through first year. Tori reached her car, hugged Katie goodbye and watched as she walked off with her friends laughing and joking. She felt a pang of jealousy and even regret for the world form which she had distanced herself. Dumping her bag into the passenger seat, she slumped into the front seat and started to drive home.