Only That I Can't Grasp You

1.

Only that I can't grasp you:

1.

"Hey, Abby. I've got news. Big. Big news." Emily broke into a feat of pantings as she rested a hand on my shoulder to calm herself.

"Big news? What big news got you to be so worked up?" I asked, curiosity piqued.

"He's here, Abby. He's back."

And with only that. I could almost guess who was back. But yet, I kept it to myself- I wasn't sure. No, I was sure. I just had to confirm it.

"Who?"

"Bryan. He's back." My doubts were confirmed leaving my breaths ragged and rushed.

He's back. He's finally back. The day I've anticipated since our principal had said that a 'new' student would be joining us again. Though we weren't sure when Bryan will be back, we were informed that it would only be in a matter of month before he was back. Even my mother who was good friends with Bryan's mother, Veronica didn't know when Bryan would arrive. It was all 'taking a step at a time.'

After all this while, with my anticipation of his arrival, I question myself: should I be happy that's he's back? The guy who left a hole in my heart was back. So, the hole in my heart should be mended. I shouldn't feel so hollow but yet fear creeped into me. Why if he didn't want to fill that hole?

"When?" I asked simply, going straight to the point. It would be better to not beat around the bush.

"Around this week. He's back already. But he has something on. He won't be coming for school till then."

This week. This week. I murmured. It has been long..

"Hey, you okay?" Emily eyed raked up at my worried self, shaking me away from my thoughts.

"I'm fine. It's just too much to take."

"Abby, I know how you feel. I can understand that you felt like you've let him down. But you didn't. It wasn't your fault at all."

"Emily, I know whose fault it is better than you. It was mine and mine alone. Even though I didn't start it- I didn't stop it either. I.. I feel so so bad." I said, my voice barely a whisper.

"Don't blame yourself. No one can anticipate something so awful would happen. Well, since you can't change the past. Why not change something you can- the present?" Both of Emily's hand laid at my shoulder, squeeze it slightly to ease my tensed self.

"I can? Can I change it all?" I asked, hope laced in my voice. My eyes were held wide.

"Yes, you can. You can explain to him. Befriend him again. Let him trust you once more. And I'm sure he'll understand." Emily reassured me, a tight smile had formed on her lips.

And from that tight smile, I knew it- she wasn't sure at all. Even so, can I change it all? I've hurt him way too much, hadn't I? But I missed Bryan, I missed how simpler things were when we were younger- more innocent and carefree. I missed how we just sat at my garden and simply did nothing but talking and laughing.

*start of flashback*

"Bryan, what will happen to us when we grow up?" I asked innocently, staring at Bryan with my curiosity filled eyes.

"Well, you'll grow taller than our house and become stronger than a lion." Bryan replied with a strong certain voice like it was the only thing in the world worthy to be believed.

"Really?" I wanted to confirm.

"Yup. And by then, we'll be far too big to live in this house. So, we'll have to move to one house that's much much bigger." Bryan little hands flailed around the air as if he were trying to draw the measurements of how big the house had to be. I giggled.

"Wow. Our house would be really really big then," I said in a fascinated voice, "Then will you stay with me in that big house forever when we grow up?"

"Of course! We'll be together forever and we shall never leave each other."

"But my mummy says I can't stay with you when I grow up." A sad frown creeped up my face.

"Why?"

"Because mummy said that we have to be married to do that." I replied shyly.

"Then, when we grow up, we can get... Married and.. We can stay together forever." Bryan answered, blood rising up his cheeks.

"That's a deal." Boldly, I leveled my lips to Bryan's cheek, giving him a sloppy wet kiss before turning bright red like him.

*end of flashback*

"Abby, did you hear what I just said?"

"Huh? What did you just said?" I said, puzzled.

"I said to meet the rest. They're here already." Emily looked at me, her face squeezed together, mouth slightly hanging as though she has something to say.

Giving her a gaze, I nodded my head, urging her to say any words she held back. And finally, words flowed out of her mouth.

"Abby, I'm really worried about you. I know the guilt's eating you up but please, don't be so selfish to yourself. Spare a thought for your own self."

"Emily, I said I'm fine. Just.. Just.. Lets go and meet the rest."

Emily gave me a sad look before sighing slightly, "Lets go", she said, "Lets just go."