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chapter i.
December 4th, 2021 was a particularly cold and harsh day. The snow was starting to stick, the air was crisp and the wind freezing, leaving Kat and Jordan shivering as they entered their shared home in Vancouver. Roughly a year after they started dating, she moved from L.A. to Vancouver to stay with him as much as possible. But of course, once her career as an actress started picking up, she ended up traveling as well. Yet, they still made it work. The two had been together for two years as of October 20th of that year. Their relationship was solid, always filled with love and laughs and joy. No matter how far apart they were they always made time for one another, always kept their lover their number 1 priority. Up until 4 months ago, that is.
Frenchie, their french bulldog, ran up to them as soon as they came through the door. Kat leaned down to pet her after kicking off her shoes and hanging up her coat. She lifted the small dog up, receiving puppy kisses from her and Jordan's fur baby. She walked over and plopped down on the couch, watching as Jordan set up a movie on the tv. He sat next to her, his arm loosely around her shoulders. They sat in silence, awkwardness filling the air. It'd been like this for months. Though they still loved each other deeply, the relationship wasn't what it used to be. August was when this started, their careers were taking over their lives. They were both constantly busy and constantly apart, and suddenly communicating became a lot more difficult than before. They both could feel the strain on the relationship, but neither wanted to admit it. Neither knew if the other could feel it, and just in case they didn't, no one said anything to try and avoid conflict. It was different, the two were always great with communication beforehand. Their interactions now felt forced, in a way. It was as if they were obligated to act this way.
This day was the first time they'd gotten to spend time together in a month. They saw each other for a weekend in September, and again in November, but that was only for a day. Both times were weird, not so much romantic. It felt the same way this time. Kat was hoping it wouldn't, she hoped they would somehow ease back into how things were before. There was no question in her mind that Jordan felt it, it was pretty much impossible not to at this point. She knew they couldn't ignore it for much longer, especially not when Jordan leaned over and pulled her in for a quick, half hearted kiss. There was absolutely no passion behind the kiss, whatsoever. It wasn't just him, though. It was her, too. She pulled away with a sigh.
"Stop," she said. "Just— just stop." Jordan furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, reaching for one of her hands. She was quick to pull them away, not missing the look of hurt on his features.
"What's wrong?" He asked, trying to reach for her once again only for her to stand up.
"What's happening here?" Kat asked in response. Her eyes staring deep into his, her expression unreadable.
"Nothings happening..?" It almost sounded like he was asking a question, she gave him a look. A look of, 'come on, don't even'. "All that's happening is I'm here, with my girlfriend, in our house trying to watch a movie with our fur baby—" he cut himself off when she began speaking.
"Dammit, Jordan! You know that isn't what I'm talking about!" She exclaimed, her frustration rising with each second. He knew exactly what she meant. Still, he didn't want to admit it. He didn't want to say it, that would make it real. And making it real means there's a problem that neither of them know how to solve.
"Things aren't the same," She began, soon coming to a pause. "We aren't the same." She corrected herself. She could visibly see his heart break, though he stayed silent.
"We're distant, we never have any time for each other, we hardly speak anymore, I— we spent our two year anniversary 5,000 miles apart for fuck's sake! We didn't even call, we just texted "happy anniversary". That's not us, Jordan. we haven't been us for months. And even this—" She motioned to the whole date set up, "—feels fake, forced." Jordan shook his head at her words, he could see where she was going with this, and he didn't want to hear it.
"No," he whispered, trying to keep the tears welling in his eyes from falling.
"Jordan, I know you feel it too. You can't deny things have been different." She said, almost sounding defeated.
He sighed, "okay, so, maybe we have. But that— that doesn't mean anything, this isn't something we can't work past, right? We can work on whatever is causing this distance and fix us," the boy pleaded. Kat shook her head, grabbing his hands.
"I love you," She started, her voice cracking. "But this is putting strain on our relationship, and on our mental states. It's stressful for us both, we can't keep doing this to ourselves—"
"—If you're saying what I think you're saying, just stop," His tone was harsh as tears fell from his cheeks. Jordan took a breath, "Because I— I don't wanna hear it, I can't." He stammered in a hushed tone, his voice breaking. They say in silence, silence that was soon filled with small sobs coming from them both.
"I'm sorry, Jordan," Kat whispered.
"Me too," He responded, rubbing his eyes with his hands. She left the room, going to gather some of her things. After putting them all in a small box, she went back out to the living room, setting the box on the floor momentarily to slip on her shoes and jacket. She took a breath, looking at Jordan's weeping figure. Her lip quivered as his eyes locked with hers, holding his arms out.
"C'mere," The boy said lowly. Kat ran into his arms and held onto him tightly as if for the last time. Which, it very well could've been. She cried into his chest, murmuring apologies over and over. Jordan attempted to hush her cries, all while trying to keep his own sobs at bay. They pulled away, their appearances looking similar. Puffy noses, red and tear brimmed eyes and tears stained cheeks.
"I'll um," she swallowed harshly. "I'll— we'll figure out something for Frenchie. I'll leave her here tonight, I'll probably pick her up tomorrow or something."
"Okay," He said. The woman put her hand on the door knob, twisting it. She gave him one final look.
"Goodbye, Jordan."
"Goodbye, Kat." With that, she was gone. And 'Kardon' was officially over.
— my first book of 2021 and its starting with heartbreak i-
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