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"Mommy!'' I shouted excitedly
" I won,Mom.'' I smiled ear to ear. Sobrang saya ko I'm expecting her to say "I'm proud of you,anak''.
" Is that so?keep it up.Let's go I'm hungry,what do you want to eat?'' walang gana niyang sabi.
I got disappointed with what she just said but "keep it up'' can do. Maybe the "I'm proud of you'' is soon when I got more achievements.
It's been 10 years and still in the process of earning that " I'm proud of you,anak'' It maybe just words for others but for me who wanted to make mom the luckiest mom in the world because of having me. I badly wanted to hear those. In that 10 years I got lots of achievement cause all the contest they'll have I'll join and be the top.
"Amie,why the hell you have a 2?'' in that I knew I got her disappointed with me again. Sigh,it makes my process slow because of all the disappointments I always does.
"But I'm still the top with that grade mom.'' banayad at medyo mahina kong sabi. Baka lang naman makalusot.
" No,don't settle with this. Make it higher. Does I make myself clear,Shamie?'' Oh G she say already my full first name. I gotta work hard for it. All I can do is to nod.
"Hey,your exhausting yourself bitch. Loosen up,stop studying for a while. Kaya ayaw ka nilang lapitan eh kahit para kang super model'' Pang e-echos ng best friend kong puru pasang awa ang grade.
" Says the one whose always partying,experience lots of heartbreaks and above all has a grade 3.5. Not bad right?'' pangbabara ko sa knnya.
"And mom will definitely disappointed if I were you'' malungkot kong saad.
" You know girl,she can't be proud of you unless you'll be perfect.'' she caught me off guard but I didn't let her notice it.
"Can you do that?'' pangpipikon niya sakin.
" Whatever'' is all I can say to shut her up.
"Amie!'' Mommy's shouting and banging my door. It looks like she wanna wreck it if I didn't immediately open it.
" What is it mom?'' I tried to be sound respectful as I could. She just ruin my day,I hate being awake forcedly.
"Your aunt Mellie told me your dating someone?'' nakataas ang kilay niyang sabi.
" What the hell are you talking about,mom?'' when I realized what I just said my eyes grew bigger and put my palm into my mouth stoping myself to continue. I deep breath and say
"I'm sorry mom. I didn't mean to curse at you'' nakababa lang ang tingin ko avoiding her gaze.
" You should be,you don't have any rights to disrespect me.'' she said it with authority
"So is it true?'' pagpupumilit niya sa topic na yun. Geeezz
" I don't know what aunt talking about mom'' I stop my self to push it. I know she don't trust me when aunt Mellie say things.
"So your telling me your aunt is lying?'' she gave me amused looked.
" Mom,you know me. I can't disobey you'' i said
"Make sure of it,you don't want when I'm upset right?'' she said sweetly but I knew its a warning.
That bitchy,how the hell I'll be dating someone when they always got intimidated just by an eye contact?
"She what?'' yeah,my best friend Angie and her over reacting
" She's really crazy,isn't she?all the years we've been knew each other no one is with you other than me. So is she pertaining to me?Mukha ba akong lalaki?sa ganda,sexy at hot kong ito?Geeezzz she's getting into my nerves'' just looking at her horrible face. I burst out in laughter's,its been a while since I laugh hard. She smiled with what she's seeing.
"I'm glad I make you laugh,I'm at peace now.You still have feelings'' biglang napatigil ako sa kakatawa and I glared at her. Its her turn to laugh out loud she never want to lose.
I got imprisoned to my own house. My routine is just home,school,home that's it and its because of what aunt Mellie said to my mom. Mom got paranoid she really can't trust me over her sister. When the exam done and summer is waving. As always Angie is going to be more wilder. She even invite me to join her.
"Okay fine but let me leave when 10pm strikes,deal?'' I said defeated.
"Ugh boring but I'll accept what you can give.'' she's happy really. She looks like she just won in lottery with millions. Crazy girl.
I got home 3 in the morning with my wasted state. Good thing mom is not home,she'll definitely furious and disappointed. Its my first time to be glad that mom's not home.
Summer came and she got even busier day by day. She can't even have the time to ask me about my grade since the school year end like she always does. My phone rang.
" What?'' I irritatedly said
"Let's get wasted!'' she shouted.
"Don't think about of turning me down with the bullshit excuses cause I know your mom won't be home.'' she didn't even give me a chance to say something.
"I'll pick you up later bitch'' she hangup. What a girl geezzz. Well ngayon lang naman I said to myself driving away all the buts and what ifs. Pero yung ngayon lang naman ay nasundan ng nasundan hanggang sa hindi ko na matigilan. Hanggang sa umaabot na sa puntong di na ako makauwi dahil sa kalasingan I didn't even bother the thought that mom might be home and I'm not. Then she finds out what I'm doing through of course my dear aunt Mellie.
" SHAMIE CLAIRE PEREZ!open this goddamn door or else I'll wreck it. You don't want that to happen!'' halos magiba na yung pintuan dahil sa pagkatok?hindi katok kundi walang pakundangang galit ni mommy and I knew where the anger coming from. I open the door.
"What is it this time mom?You heard something again from your dearest sister?Oh come on how long I'll prove myself to you so you can lend me just a little of your trust mom?You'll just come home for what?to accuse me things while I'm here doing my best to be a better version of myself so you can be proud of me. If that's the case mom you better not come home like how you used to'' i didn't give her a chance to say a thing. I locked the door not minding her shouts telling things like your grounded etc. I'm more concern with my head pounding because of hangover. I didn't give a damn when she said I'm grounded. I sneaked out,drink,go to any places and be wasted. Then I got hospitalized for being drugged the hell I sleep almost a month and when I got to open my eyes this what I'll see. Mom face furious,upset,very very very mad and disappointed.
"I told you to stay at home,didn't I?but what you did?still go and hangouts with addicts. Looked what happened to you!Now tell me what did you get except being hospitalized huh?Shamie?'' galit na galit si mommy pero di ako nagpatinag napagod nako sa pagiging mabuting anak sa knnya I got nothing so why would I still continue,right?
" I got a chance to know how you take care of your patient. I'm thinking mom if I could resign as your daughter and be just your patient. What do you think mom?'' I asked innocently like I'm just asking what flavor of candy is more delicious. She didn't say a thing and walked out. Until I got discharged,mom didn't talk to me anymore. I feel guilty even thou I didn't do anything except for being reckless this summer.
I got tired of everything. Its been 10months since I got hospitalized,that means its been 10months since I last talk to mom. And I realized I didn't mean anything to her. She can live without me. I made up my mind even I didn't plan to nor want to. Its the only thing I think the solution to stop this pain I'm feeling. All I wanted is her to be proud of me but the thing is before she can give me that,I'll be perfect first. I tried to thou even I knew I will never be. I just hoped so but it really came to an end realizing its just a dream that I wanted to be reality. I made her a letter saying all the words I can't tell her anymore. I wanna be her,her that she dreamed off to have "a perfect daughter.''
~THE END~
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I Wanna Be Her
RandomDedicated to @ReighNstromxx Almost everybody says that when you love someone. You'll accept them no matter who they are and accept every inch of them. They also says that: If you love someone, be the better version of yourself. But what if two still...
