soliloquy ↬ chensung

Ch.17

"So what has you acting strange?" Daejoon asked Jichan in order to hide that he himself was the one acting strange. They were sitting in the canteen after Jichan had saved them seats, but Chinhae was still in the locker room.

Jichan picked at his food dejectedly and furrowed his eyebrows. It seemed that he was torn for some reason. Now Daejoon really was curious.

"You okay, buddy?"

"Hmm?" The taller snapped his head up and blinked. "O-oh, yeah. Sorry. I'm just thinking."

Daejoon exhaled softly and leaned his cheek in his palm. "About?"

Jichan pursed his lips and lay his fork across the plate, lifting his gaze hesitantly. "If you...came across a golden opportunity, but it clashed with your personal life, would you still take it?"

The older titled his head and leaned back in his chair. "It would depend on the opportunity. What's going on?"

Jichan shook his head and resumed eating, eyebrows still furrowed and an expression of deep thought written on his face. He needed to think about his decision carefully before answering. After all, it wasn't everyday that someone was offered a scholarship abroad. But...he didn't want to leave Chinhae.

"Sorry I took so long!" Chinhae's voice intercepted both the boys' thoughts as he came jogging over to them from the locker room. He slid into the seat beside Jichan and kept his head low in front of his other friend.

Jichan also stayed quiet and watched Daejoon thoughtfully, who in turn was watching Chinhae.

"What's with this tension?" Daejoon finally chuckled and rhythmically tapped his fingers against the table, looking between the two. He felt bad now for scaring Chinhae like that, but it had nothing to do with Jichan so his solemn expression was unexpected. "Jichan, why're you..."

The said boy gave him a quick shake of the head and glanced subtly in Chinhae's direction, clearly not wanting him to know that something was up.

•・•・•

Chinhae was absent from the shared dorm room as Daejoon and Jichan sat across from each other. "I need your opinion," the younger of the two sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

"Is this the same thing you were worried about earlier?"

"Yes. And...I need to talk to you about it before I talk to Chinhae. Can you keep this a secret until I bring it up with him?"

The boy nodded nervously and straightened attentively to give his friend his full attention. "Of course."

Jichan fiddled with his hands, biting the inside of his cheek. "An American school offered me a scholarship to go and study through English."

A moment passed while the older was stunned to silence before a large grin swept across his features. "That's amazing!" His enthusiasm slowly died down when he realised that apart from Jichan's small, unsure smile, he was the only one celebrating. He cocked his head and felt his face fall. "Why're you indifferent? It's not everyday that you get the opportunity of a lifetime."

"I am grateful, but..." I don't want to leave Chinhae. How could he say that? He couldn't care less if Daejoon or the whole school knew they were together, but he didn't want Chinhae to be ostracised because of it. "I..."

"You don't want to leave Chinhae?"

Jichan's eyes widened and he looked up in shock. "What?"

Daejoon stood up from his bed and wandered over to Chinhae's, which Jichan was sitting on. He sat beside him and sighed, gently nudging him with his shoulder. "I'm not dense."

"But-"

The older shook his head and folded his arms and legs thoughtfully. "So it's because of him? He's holding you back?"

Jichan's eyes fell to the floor as he frowned. "When you say it like that..." He gently slapped his cheeks and shook his shoulders out. "I need your opinion; take the scholarship and leave you guys or turn it down?"

Daejoon's mind worked at high speed as he considered the situation. He takes it and gets a really good education, a fabulous job and a great life. He rejects it, finishes his education here and also gets a good job. He takes it and forgets about Chinhae and me- No, we shouldn't even equate - this is about him. He takes the scholarship and decides he wants to stay in America for work. He rejects it and- He furrowed his eyebrows and held his head. There were so many different paths, but he couldn't possibly predict which one would happen. Then, as he was about to tell Jichan that it was his decision and not Daejoon's to interfere with, a different scenario came to mind:

Jichan takes the opportunity and goes to America, Chinhae turns to me for comfort, and I take his place.

No. How could he even consider it?! But the more he mulled over the envious, consuming thought that had snuck in without his permission, eyeing the torn boy beside him, he felt his heart clench. Jichan was his friend. Chinhae, as much as it hurt, was out of the question. But...why did he feel relieved that he had thought this way? It was as though he had been needing to filter his green sin.

"I really would like to study there, but I'd be leaving you guys, my family..."

Daejoon looked back at his friend and felt his mouth dry. He should definitely take the scholarship if it would mean that he'd get a great education. "You should do it. If anyone is perfect for the adventure, it's you." And what if Chinhae moves on in the future and Daejoon takes his chance? Who'd even know?

Jichan sighed and smiled faintly, turning to Daejoon. "You think so? I'll bring it up with my family as well. It's just...I wanted to hear your thoughts on it. Thank you."

Daejoon felt awful, but at the same time, awfully relieved.

•・•・•

"We're almost finished the play now, and in good time. It'll be opening night before we know it," Renjun sang as he shuffled his script in glee.

Jaemin, who hadn't left his spot on Jisung's bed because of his lack of part in the play, decided that it was time to seize the opportunity. "Hey Jisung, how much longer do you think we can stay before we have to go?"

The taller turned around from where he was standing with Donghyuck in the centre of his room. "Oh, an hour maybe?"

"Splendid! Let's go down to the shop and buy some crisps and chocolate."

Jisung nodded and began to walk towards his coat, but Jaemin cut him off.

"No, not you." His eyes moved across the faces present. "You," he pointed at Donghyuck, "And you," Renjun. "Come with me."

"Ahem, as the director, I refu-"

Donghyuck kicked him jokingly in the shin and passed him his coat. "Suck it up."

Jisung and Chenle stared wide-eyed at them as they got ready to go to leave the two of them alone. They filed out, Renjun grumbling about the injustice, Donghyuck pushing him to move, and Jaemin winking teasingly at the Chinese boy while blowing a kiss.

The door clicked shut and the two were alone.

A/N: I know this was an uneventful chappy, but the next one is gonna be Chenle and Jisung only😏