☆ephemeral: haikyuu! angsts

His Second + T. Kuroo

[Female]
Tw: toxicity, depression

Sum: You're just not her. Maybe his seconds in everything. Why did you wait?

☆

Kuroo Tetsurō was stupid. He knew that himself. Despite being academically competent, understanding topics so easily, arguably smart that sometimes his spoken sentences were essays, he doesn't understand one thing. His feelings.

You constantly fondled with your hands with pursed lips while you dragged yourself to the bedroom. Empty. Like it always was. Seems as if the beautifully exorbitant spacious room no longer felt like home, nor did those pesky decorations help to enlighten.

Your body perked up hearing a click at the front door, he was home but his soul didn't feel like it. Walking wearily towards the living room, you eyed him.

"So.. how's practice?" With a silvery voice, but almost as if you had spoken in a whisper. Only peeking at him from the door frame he had bags under his eyes, seems as if he'd been going through something rough. And you hated it. You hated it when he shoves you away and try to fix things by himself.

Overflowing hesitation he spoke, but that wasn't the only thing that filled to the brim.

"I can't love you f/n. I don't know how to anymore. I just can't look at you the same as I looked upon her" His grandeur silhouette towering over, the raven hair clutched your shoulders holding them as if this was the last time he'd touch you.

It was scary.

"I thought I could get over her. I never wanted you to be a rebound or anything- if we stayed like this you'd be the one suffering" it was tightening in the heart for you to say. Wishing that in a blink of an eye he'd laugh and say it was a joke. But no, this very moment was genuine. It was transparent the he had been desperate to say this.

Word to word. You hated his statement. You hated this. It wasn't his fault. Maybe it's yours? Maybe you haven't been giving him the affection he wanted. Maybe because you weren't her. An ellipsis of a thousand thoughts drained your mind, not even taking the notice towards his faint calls of worry and pity.

"I don't want you to suffer f/n." Who knew words cut deeper than the most prominent and sharpest knives? How could two years of dating turn into a personal hell hole, with one on the verge of falling.

You just keep falling.

"You're the best girlfriend I could ever have. I just- I still love her. You deserve someone better." You really tried. You really tried to compose yourself listening to his banters, getting very timid at the moment. It was not only you indulging in their own sermise.

You had embraced him so tightly in a swift motion, with clasped fingers together at the back of his neck for a stronger support.

"Kuroo, I will wait. I can wait. I'll wait for you."

Go on. Break.

Both finally broke down. Gleaming tears in your eyes each falling to downpour. A feeling of énoument. You shifted away from eachothers hold, probably the the last time. Held his cheeks that were the shade of a thousand burgundy amaryllises.

This was the day you had your last kiss with Kuroo Tetsurō.

"Don't make me wait for too long, Kuroo."

Surprised you could even let out a small laugh.

Stay. Thoughts were on loop inside his mind. Was he even making the right decision? Once you turn to that door. You're out. Out for good. Out for the better.

I wanted you to fight for me, Kuroo.

But he didn't. Was he over it already?

You were Kuroo Tetsurō's second. Second kiss, second hug, second love. A bittersweet truth, that you just had to accept.

I have loved you so much.