ad astra per aspera - {♕ f.w.}

5. An Unwelcome Visitor on the Hogwarts Express

Remus Lupin disappeared from your life twelve years ago, returning once in the form of a brief letter attached to a brand new Comet Two Ninety that arrived the summer after your second year. According to the note, the broomstick was a reward for making the Quidditch team and doing so well on your exams.

Prior to this, not one letter from him had come. In return, not one letter from you had been sent, so you weren't sure how he'd come to learn of your achievements. The most reasonable assumption was that your parents had told him, but even this seemed unlikely; there was no reason for him to know. Regardless, you happily accepted the gift.

The difference between your uncle and other relatives was an absolute certainty your memories of him were real. Sunday dinners and early birthdays and nights he spent babysitting. In some of these memories, you swore you saw the vague face of Sirius Black smiling alongside him. 

The recognition had been hesitant, because the Remus Lupin you remembered wasn't the one that had been in front of you. His distinct face wouldn't allow you to mistake him for someone else, but he was different. In your mind, he closely resembled your dad. Fuller, with less greys and facial lines. Clothes less worn. He was happy, and despite having only seen him asleep for a few brief seconds, there was something about this Remus Lupin that was not.

Now, here you were. Aboard the Hogwarts Express, burdened with the knowledge that an uncle long left unconsidered was coming back into your life not as a family member, but as the teacher of one of your favourite school subjects.

Walking alongside Fred and George, you tried to remind yourself that now wasn't the time to dwell. They would notice quicker than you could come up with a good lie for what was occupying your thoughts. When they asked, what would you tell them?

The truth? No.

The truth was too complicated. Not something you could casually share over a box of Bertie Botts with your friends. It wasn't something to tell and brush over like you would want to.

But if you couldn't dwell now, then when? With every passing second you were getting closer to school. In a few days you'd be in the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom, taking your first lesson from Professor R.J. Lupin. How would you manage eating in the Great Hall with him looking down on you from the staff table? How long would you stay awake tonight, head swirling with tarnished thoughts of being back at school? Vast fields and marshes flew past rapidly outside the windows; you were running out of time to prepare. To process the situation.

You got an elbow to the upper arm, a nudge for your attention. Blinking away your thoughts, you looked to your side. Fred was watching you, and by the looks of it, had been for a while.

"Don't worry." He told you comfortingly. "I reckon if Sirius Black polyjuice'd his way onto the train he'd pick a more creative disguise."

This was the perfect opportunity. A temporary solution to your problem. A quick fix, placing the blame on Sirius Black instead of the real issue. So, you scoffed amusedly, and in playing along with what he'd said, bought yourself a little more time to sort out your feelings.

After doubling back down the train, you finally found Lee. He had settled into a compartment near the front, one you swore had been full of third year girls the first time you passed by it.

There was some quick catching up, followed by half an hour in which the twins talked animatedly about Egypt. You listened quietly as they retold stories you'd already heard, pausing briefly as the Trolley Witch arrived. You emptied your pockets of gold in exchange for some snacks, the conversation resuming as soon as her and her cart disappeared down the hall.