spiderman x shrek love story omg

uno

twas a nice sunny day in california, where big green shrek wandered down the street. he stopped to stare at the sun, his eyes burning as the gamma rays hit them. but he didn't mind, because he ate eyeballs all the time so they replenished whenever they needed to. 

something that depressed big shreek was that he was lonely. he was a single man, and he just couldn't find that one person to make him happy. all the girls loved him, but he just... he couldn't find THE one. so he decided to go to new york to find his one and only true love. 

he pulled on his sexy grey shirt and brown jacket thing, and wandered off to the airport. everyone loved him so he was bombarded by friends, but he shoved past them, making sure to get on the airplane to visit the city of love. he'd recently divorced fiona after finding her sleeping with the gummy bear, and he was absolutely furious. she begged shrek to stay with her, but he refused. of course he would, he's shrek!!!!!!!!!!

once the big guy eventually got to new york, he almost fell in a pothole, but it's okay. he's an ogre, so he survived and climbed back out... only to see the most beautiful person ever. 

he wore a skin-tight red and blue suit, one that showed off ALL his beautiful features, and shrek was instantly in love. he ran after the swinging man, his eyes wide in admireation and hoping he could woo his new crush. 

little did shrek know that this was spiderman, a well-known hero and son of jesus christ himself. but dont worry, this is adult spiderman, not little sixteen year old tom holand spiderman. shrek isn't a nonce.

"please! i'm so in love with you!" shrek cried out in that sexy scottish accent of his, and spiderman stopped. he looked awesturk at the green man, and he looked down to see his toes tingling. he hopped down from the lamppost and ran into shrek's open arms.

"i love you too, big green man!" spiderman exclaimed.

and they lived happily ever after.