Self Destruction in 4 Distinct Parts ➵ Criminal Minds

Part 1 - The Why

Mel leaned against the cold glass and shut her eyes, when was the last time she'd been on public transport? She could remember why she stopped, there was someone throwing up at the back of the bus and the rest of the passengers looked like they'd rather die than be heading to wherever they were going. It wasn't like she was doing much better. The last few months had caught up with her, the way she handled the situation with Maeve and the inquiry that went into her behaviour, the experience she had in the alleyway with the almost rape. But it was mostly just Spencer. They were much better now than they had been. He'd blamed her for Maeve's death in the immediate aftermath, which was entirely fair. He thought that her actions had been irrational and childlike, and that if she'd have thought through what she was doing that they could've brought her back alive. Maybe he was right, maybe trying to befriend Diane didn't do anyone any favours. Maybe trying to save Maeve in an unconventional way because Mel knew Diane would kill her the moment the BAU got too close was a bad idea. Maybe if she hadn't done what she did on a whim then Maeve would still be alive. That regret haunted her, mostly because it led to what happened next. Silence. Reid wouldn't say a word to her for two weeks after what happened, and when he finally did the words were screamed at her. He told her that he thought she did what she did knowing it was going to end badly, because she wanted to take out all the competition so she could have him for herself; she wanted to make sure that both Maeve and Diane were out of her way so that she could be the only one he loved. She'd never heard him shout like that before. He screamed at her, slamming his hands down on the desk and crying as he did, Mel couldn't get it out of her head. The worst part about all of it was that there may have been a tiny part of her that agreed with what he was saying, that maybe she did do what she did out of jealousy. She didn't know, she didn't know anything anymore. Mel did manage to make things right with Spencer, he came to his senses and realised that she really was just trying to make him happy. But he flinched whenever she reached out to touch him, like her touch was somehow stained with the blood of his lost love. It stopped soon enough - he held her in his arms just last week when she was attacked by Wallace Hines - but she would never forget how that burned. Wallace Hines was the bastard behind the almost rape. Mel was on her way home when he cornered her, she fought him off, but not without taking a gunshot to the shoulder and being beaten up pretty badly. That's when she and Reid made up for good, when he came to the hospital to see her covered in cuts and bruises with a wrapped up shoulder. He held her and she cried and cried, her body still shaky but her head in the clouds because she'd gotten her best friend back. Now everything that had happened had finally come down on top of her. All of that trauma and every single case she'd ever worked had just collapsed inwardly over the last week. In short, Mel had lost it.