Twoset Football

One: Brett

"Belle..."

"I'm telling you Brett, I know I'm only telling you this for the first time in all the years I've known you as a friend so you might not believe me but I am telling you that he is really talented."

Brett closed his eyes in an attempt to stay calm as he proceeded to talk into his phone.

"Belle, do you have any idea how many times I've had people tell me how talented their brother, boyfriend, son, husband, nephew, whatever, is ?? "

"Oh c'mon Brett, pleeeeease ? Just come and have a look at him. I'll buy you dinner next time we catch up."

"...so what position does he play?"

"Huh? What do you mean? Oh! Well, he's not a goalie, so he's one of the other ten guys, you know."

Brett rolled his eyes as he snarled.

"Hey, I know that noise!! You're rolling your eyes aren't you ?."

"Yes, Belle, I am rolling my eyes so much they hurt. How the fuck am I supposed to talent scout this so-called talented brother of yours if you don't even frickin' know what position he plays ??"

"Damn it, Brett, how the heck am I supposed to know what position my brother plays?? Isn't that your job to suss out ??"

"OMG, no, Belle, this isn't something that's sussed out! He should already have a position! Hasn't he ever told you he is an MF, a midfielder? Or one of the backs, like centre-back, full-back or wing-back? No? Well, maybe he calls himself a defender, no? Crap, look, does he shoot a lot of goals or does he run a lot to bring the ball towards the goal or does he stay near his own goal ?"

"What? Brett, I honestly don't know. I thought the other 10 guys just did the same thing. Don't they just take turns shooting the ball ?"

*Splat*

"...Brett, did you just face palm yourself.?

"Yes, Belle, I did. Because my eyeballs have left their sockets and are rolling around on my office floor now. My jaw is also on the floor. I've got nothing left."

"Look, I don't like soccer and I haven't been very fond of my brother for the last several years either, okay? So I've never gone and watched him play."

"YOU NEVER WHAT !??"

"...Ooops, that's not good is it"

"OF COURSE IT'S NO BLOODY GOOD! How the hell do you even know he's any good then ?? You tell me there's a talented 19-year-old football player in Brisbane – if he really was one, of all the talent agents in Australia, I would have heard of him. I represent about a third of the national team for crying out loud! In fact, EVERYONE in my industry would have heard of him and we'd be fighting over him !! He'd be a star player in a well-known youth team and we'd all be bidding for a signup, prepping his transition from youth to mens. So he's not even in any local football club right? I've never heard of an Eddy Chen, EVER. Fuck, if he was a real talent, I would have heard of his name even if he was located in some whoop whoop town in Western Australia and I would have flown over there in a heartbeat!!"

"I told you, he's been training in Taiwan for the last few years and just got back home for good in time for Christmas!! That's why you and your people have never heard of him!!"

"FINE, I'll come and see your brother, but I'm only doing this as a favour for a friend, Belle. Please don't even tell him I'm coming and for the love of god please don't expect anything because most of these things just flop and I don't want to face either of you disappointed, okay? Now will you please excuse me, I gotta go and pick up my eyeballs and jaw."

"Okay, okay, fine. I know you're cranky when you're trying to be funny. So it's at 10 am, okay? I'll text you the address of the oval later! Thanks, Brett, you're the best."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bye."

Brett groaned as he hung up his phone.

Brett was a football talent scout agent.

He was cranky but knew it's not really because of Belle. Now he felt bad for yelling at his friend. He started a text.

Brett > Hi Belle, sorry about before. Your call reminded me of a couple of prospects who begged me to come see them and both were complete flops, just soooooo out of shape. Like I get it, it's Christmas and all, but really, so unprofessional. Still, no excuse to go off at you, so I'm sorry. So about tomorrow, just send me the oval name and suburb, I should know most football ovals in Brisbane.

Belle > Hey Brett, no worries, I've known you long enough to know what you're like. You're a professional, I get it. Well, at least my brother looks like he is in top shape. Wouldn't even eat his rice with mum's kung pao chicken yesterday, said he was "regulating his carbs intake". Hope he won't disappoint you. You may not know the location, Sunny Park in Morrisville. It's a tiny place.

Morrisville? Brett quickly googled the local park and was mortified to find a teeny tiny patch of green on his google map, about a quarter of the size of a full football field.

Brett > Belle, just what exactly is your brother planning to do there tomorrow?

Belle> He teaches soccer there.

Brett > You mean coaching? That's great! Which team?

Belle > Ya, he teaches the local Chinese speaking pre-schoolers.

"...I'm so fuckin' done"

Brett doesn't even reply to Belle's last response and tossed his phone onto his desk.