You know when you've been walking around with this one thing on your mind, and it's been consuming you? Like, when you have something you need to do that you absolutely don't want to do, or a conversation that needs to be had but you don't want to have it, or when you have to confront your ex and try to squeeze the answer to the very simple and normal question Are you doing heroin? out of him but you really don't feel like doing that again?
Since starting college, that thing has been talking to Sam. Not just talking like we had been before, but talking, learning things about him, taking one step closer to be able to call him a friend.
And then afterwards, it's this wave of relief. A day later, it stops consuming you, and you go on with your life.
That's not the case this time. Hell, since that conversation, it feels like I've been walking on clouds, and my urge to talk to him just grew stronger, and it keeps growing stronger even now, when I'm sitting out on the schoolyard and smoking weed with Kell. A pretty good thing to do in a public space, if I do say so myself.
Again—weed is not illegal here. However, just like schools don't really appreciate you drinking on their property, they might, you know, suspend you for doing drugs here. I guess neither of us really care. It's not like we'd be here if it weren't a way to procrastinate getting a better job.
Or, well, we can't get better jobs if we don't go to college, so that's an issue.
Correction—if it weren't a way to procrastinate becoming real adults.
Am I insulting Kell now? I'm just dragging him down to my level, and god knows no one is here except for Aiden Levin. I'd know. God literally told me so.
"Man," Kell says, holding his free hand out, "River Bay's weather fucking sucks."
I look up, only to get a raindrop in my eye. I clench it shut and nod. "Everything in River Bay sucks."
He pulls a hand through his hair and looks at me. "At least River Bay has you."
Damn, did that man just look me in the eye and say that after knowing me for, like, a few weeks? I mean, I get attached to people fast, and honestly, I can already tell Kell is a person I want to be friends with for the rest of my life.
That's not the biggest problem with that statement, though—not only did he say it, he said it to me. Who says that to a person like me? I mean, someone like Connor, or Rhys (not Peyton, he can be kind of an ass, to be honest), yeah, sure, but Aiden fucking Levin?
Yeah, no. No one in their right mind says something like that to Aiden Levin. He must be high as fuck already.
"Yeah, that makes it about ten thousand times worse." I make sure to smirk. Something about smirking a lot makes people think it was a joke. I guess that makes people think I'm a joke.
I am a joke. They're not wrong. I mean, ditching class to sit on a table, outside, in slight rain, smoking weed with someone you had to coerce (is that the right word?) into coming with you by offering them free weed. Which, by the way, is not a good idea when you're super broke and do a lot of drugs.
"No, man, seriously, I'm so glad you're my roommate." Kell takes a hit, and has a tiny coughing fit before continuing. "It's weird, like, I get to know so many people but I never keep those friendships even if I try. Maybe I just overshare a bit too much and that puts people off, or it's my personality..." He lays his arms on his knees—we're both resting our feet on the bench underneath us—and leans forward slightly. "Either way, I don't maintain many friendships, but I feel like I really clicked with you." Another hit. Another cough. "Damn, man, I haven't done this in a while. I hope you're not, you know, sitting there listening to me talk about this while you're completely repulsed by me. That'd be awkward as hell."
