Joaquin Phoenix imagines

You're beautiful

Joaquin and Reader didn't have sex for 2 months, you're craving for him, but as he lost too much weight for Joker, he's avoiding any kind of intimacy with you. He's afraid you will find him ugly and his body disgusting and that he won't give her pleasure and make her horny, but he can't be more wrong. (was supposed to be smut but I wasn't comfortable with that, sorry)

You and Joaquin had been dating for a year now, you had met at his karate club, from good friends it evolved into more; after all you had a lot in common, big introverts who preferred to stay home, animal lovers and defenders, also anxiety, the both of you had been dealing with it differently, Joaquin was smoking, like a lot and he couldn't help but bite his nails; on your side you had anxiety attacks and you were self-harming, it had calmed since you were with him but he knew better than anyone else how hard it was to break an addiction, and that was the wonderful thing about your relationship, you understood each other so well, in such way that you always knew how to support each other.

The past few months he had been preparing for his new role, Joker. It was a lot of preparation, he had done research about mental illness and had also to lose weight for his character, Arthur Fleck and it was a lot of weight to lose, of course he had already done it before, but you couldn't help but worry for his health.

"Don't worry, as long as I can steal some pretzels from time to time." He had replied teasingly, wrapping his arms around you.

He had let his hair grow, most of the time tying them into a bun, he also had them dyed black, and it really looked good on him, after all it was his natural color, but you were used to his pepper and salt hair now and it looked incredibly good on him. Still you never expected to like his Joker/Arthur look so much, it gave him a completely different aspect, there was something so appealing about it, his eyes seemed much more intense, piercing through your soul, and even if his body was more frail in a way he was more intimidating, not that you minded, you liked it when he was getting dominant with you.

However as he lost weigh and he got closer to start shooting, he was a bit distant with you, not emotionally speaking but physically, you hadn't been intimate for what two months now? Such thing wasn't so important in your life, but you need to know he still desired you, he was going to bed very late, a long time after you and when you woke up et he would get up, not staying for morning cuddles and now he was barely kissing you or hugging you, it was just frustrating. So one night you decided that you need to talk about it with him, just to be reassured. He was sitting on the sofa, reading a book, his dogs Soda on his lap and Oskar at his feet.

"Hey..." you called him softly, snapping him out of his reading, he gave you a small sweet smile in return as you sat next to him, leaning one of your arms on the back of the sofa, he looked at you curious.

"Yeah, huh I was just wondering something, it's been a while since we...you know?" you asked feeling awkward, raising your eyebrows, he seemed to think for a moment.

"Yeah...and?" he replied not getting it.

"Well, it's not just that we just barely have any physical interaction lately, hum...I just wanted to know, did I do something wrong?" he froze briefly, processing what you had just said, until he turned fully his body towards you, gently moving Soda from his lap, taking your hand in his.

"No, no, no, it's just me, I just..." he sighs looking at your joined hands "I don't like the way I look, it's just fuckin'...ugly you know?" he confessed, eyebrows furrowed, this hit you, he was being ashamed of the ways his body looked, he didn't want you to see his extremely thin naked body, he didn't want you to feel his prominent ribs when you touched him.

"Kitten, no, it's not..." you immediately grab his face between your hands, to look at him in the eyes, your thumb gently stroking his cheekbone "you're beautiful, c'mon you know I don't care about that whatever you're thin like this or got your cute love handles...I still want you with my whole being. "you give him a tender smile, he suddenly leans in, kissing your lips with passion, his arms wrapping around you, he rest his forehead in the crook of your neck, you tightly hug him, caressing the back of his head.

"I'm sorry I made you feel unwanted, it's just so fuckin' annoying some days..." he admitted his voice muffled against your shirt

"No, I'm sorry kitten, I just made it all about myself whereas you weren't going well...I love you" you corrected kissing his hair, caressing his back.

"If you're not comfortable showing me your body for now, then it's alright, just know that I still desire you this way...but maybe we can negotiate kisses and cuddles?" you added, starting to tickle him on the sides. He struggled trying to break free from you, you landed on top of him, between his legs, giggling, you kissed him once more, tenderly and so=lowly trying to show him how much you care about it.

"I love you fuckin' much Y/N" he breathed, kissing the top of your head as you just lied down on him, your head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat, your fingers distractingly petting Oskar's head.