Bits and Pieces

We Hold Memories

Photos exist so that we can capture a moment in time. They are there for us to look back on, to serve as a reminder for the past and a comfort for us. As soon as the shutter snaps and the photo slides slowly out of a polaroid camera, the instant is frozen for us to keep forever. Pictures holding memories of my friends and family make me happy, but as soon as I see a picture of us, my heart fissures beyond repair.

I stare at the photo of our grinning faces, his head on my shoulder and the heat of the summer obvious from the clothes we were wearing when the polaroid was taken: me, a floral tank top, him, a blue t-shirt. I remember the way the skin on his neck felt against my bare shoulder, but what haunts me most of all is how happy I looked and the memory of the ecstasy I felt whenever we were together. I haven't felt that in a long time. I haven't felt that since he broke my heart.

I stare at the photo for so long, willing myself to be able to dive into it and back in time, back to summer, back to hot, lazy days and warm, quiet nights filled with stargazing and stolen kisses. Back to a time when days were long and night brought only the promise of more incredible adventures in the morning. Back to days when laughter was the only sound that bubbled from my throat and full was the only feeling my heart ever knew. 

The picture only reminds me of the perfect romance I once had with him and the unforgettable summer we got to spend together. I know I should throw away the picture, or at least tuck it safely in an album where the photo will be safely out of reach. But I can't seem to bring myself to do it because once the photo is gone, it's gone forever. The photo is the only evidence I have that I got the summer of a lifetime. Maybe this photo that captures our perfect summer romance brings me pain and heartache, but I could never be without it.

I need this picture so that I can remember the memories that are now gone forever.

(Entry for #instaxStillsToLife contest).