spaces « niam

eighteen

The first month after One Direction left for tour was the only good one. Liam and Niall were constantly in contact, as were Harry and Louis. Things seemed to be on the right path. Until the second month came to a close.

Maura was being harsher than usual on Niall. The blond was constantly having to hide bruises from Harry. He seemed to go through nearly a bottle of concealer a week. And, to make things even worse, Liam's calls were getting fewer in number. Sometimes, he'd only get one a week.

Niall's mood was slipping down a ladder. He wasn't even sure Harry noticed his horrible mood, but he preferred it that way. He didn't want harry knowing how sad he was becoming. He knew that his friend was getting regular calls and updates from his boyfriend.

(Yes, Harry and Louis were boyfriends after just one date. Niall wasn't even sure what he and Liam were.)

"So," Harry started one day after school. "Lou told me about those spare tickets Liam had saved for us. They're in Paris tonight, and I might have gotten us plane tickets. You up for going? Mum said we can go by ourselves and skip school tomorrow!"

"I dunno, Haz," Niall said hesitantly. "I don't know if Mum will let me."

"Oh please," Harry snorted. "Just tell her you're spending the night with me, just like you always do. You can't possibly convince me that you don't want to see Liam. You two are so in love."

Niall bit his lip. Sure, he wanted to see Liam, but he wasn't completely sure that Liam wanted to see him.

"I do, but-" Niall sighed. "I just don't know, Harry. My grades are falling; I don't think I should skip."

"Niall," Harry said sharply. "I've already bought two tickets. What do you expect me to do with the other one?"

"Sell it?" Niall suggested. "I just-I can't go, Haz. I'm sorry."

-

Liam was biting his nails nervously. Louis had given him word that Harry was going to be seeing their show in Paris, and he was hoping that Niall would come too. He knew that he had been pretty shit to the boy lately, but tour life was hard.

Louis ran to the bus door to meet Harry. The older brunette had been so jumpy and excited up until the moment Harry arrived. Liam was happy for his friend, but he was also jealous.

There was no need to even ask if Niall had come. Harry came in looking quite lonely; nevertheless, he came in with a smile on his face. No bouncing, bubbly blonde followed behind him. Liam looked at the ground sadly.

He tried not to feel sorry for himself, for he had brought it upon himself.

-

Niall nearly slammed the door on his hand when he got home. After the day he had had in school, he really wished that he would have gone with Harry.

"I'm home, Mum!" He yelled into the home. He halfway wished that his mother wasn't home. He really wanted her to leave him alone. "Mum?"

Silence echoed through the house.

Happily, Niall took his bag off his shoulder and slipped his shoes off his feet. Even though he was alone, Niall tiptoed up the stairs and until he got to his room. He shut the door behind him and laid down on his bed.

The temptation to call Liam was overwhelming, but he still didn't. Niall didn't know if Liam really wanted to talk to him. Surely he would have called by now if he did, right? Instead, Niall was left lying on his bed and wondering if he did anything wrong.

Niall started to cry as he thought about Liam. Why hadn't he just done as Harry said and gone to the concert? Who knows, maybe now Liam would revoke those tickets. Maybe he had decided he didn't want to see Niall again.

His wrists itched. No, he told himself. I've gotten better. I can handle this.

But as the tears streamed down his cheeks, Niall knew he couldn't. He got up, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door.

-

Liam watched as Harry and Louis bounced around, laughed, sang, and did all the things he and Niall probably should have been doing. His hand felt cold without Niall's.

He wanted to text Niall, but Liam wasn't sure how the blonde would feel about it. Would he actually want Liam to text him? Or was Niall mad at him for not calling in the past few days? He sighed and buried himself down into the couch.

"C'mon, Liam." After a while, Zayn shook Liam to get him of the couch. "We need to go to the venue. It's nearly time."

Liam sadly pulled himself off the couch and clutched onto Zayn. "Carry me," he murmured into Zayn. All he really wanted was a friend, and it seemed that Zayn was going to be the only one he could turn to.

Zayn wouldn't judge him for being jealous, but Zayn would judge him for being a coward and not speaking to Niall. Liam clutched tighter onto Zayn's back as he made Liam climb onto his back.

"Okay, so what's up?" Zayn asked skeptically. He wanted to look back at Liam, but instead he focused on walking forward.

"I fucked up," Liam whispered in his ear. "I really, really fucked up, Zayn."

"How?"

"I haven't called him in a while, and now I'm too scared to call him now because I'm worried that he won't want me to. I'm really scared, Zayn." Liam buried his head in Zayn's shoulder.

"You know that you need to call him, right? Is that the reason that he didn't come today?" Zayn asked. Liam nodded against his shoulder.

"I just want him to like me, Zayn. I'm so lonely. Louis has Harry, you have Perrie. I want someone, Zayn. I need someone." Liam was forced to push back the tears threatening to leak from his eyes.

Zayn put Liam down and wrapped him in a hug. "You'll find someone Liam. It'll all be okay. I promise."

•-•

thoughts????

i'm very cold

lonely

tired

sad

i'm very sad

sorry i'm being depressing hahaha

okay sorry

so comments???

yeah, and how's your day been?

oki

bai

1058 words

5.2.15