Why?

My Dear

Even though I can't accept the fact of being in love with you, you will always be in my heart.

Why did you do it?

Why?

Thats the question. The question that made me ask myself and think of a certain answer for days.

How could you be so selfish?

You made me love you again. You made me have those butterflies in my stomach again. And I hate you so much for that.

Why love has to be so complicated?

I just can't stop wondering about you. I got over you, but then you kissed me and all my world went blur again. Just like old times. And I hate you for that. So much that I can't explain it. I remember your smile, your laugh, your eyes.

Do even know what the term friends means?

Friends don't kiss each other. Friends don't speak about how much they love each other. Friends don't touch each other the way couples do.

I hate you with all my soul.

But I just couldn't stop myself also. I missed the taste of your lips. They way your arms fit perfectly with my body when you hug me. I missed your smell. I missed how our hands connected perfectly. How my stomach made butterflies every time you kissed me. I missed all that. Even now I miss it.

But you still don't get it and you never will. Because you will always get me into trouble. Because you make me suffer and make me cry.

I hate love so much.

I hate you.

I even hate myself for loving you.

I hate real love. I hate to depend on someone else. I hate to care too much for someone who doesn't care that much for me. I hate to try so hard that I get obsessed. I hate when you ignore me only to keep your ego straight.

But still you are the person that makes me laugh. The person that I can trust. The person that I know that doesn't judge me. The person that cares the most about me. The person who would do anything to make me smile. The person who makes me feel good about myself. You are the only one that I want but can't have.

Why did you kissed me?

You make me feel like a dumb, you make me feel weak and I hate it.

How could you?

You told me you were my friend, that you didn't wanted things to happen again. But history keeps repeating and I hate that you will always be in it. Friends don't love each other that way. You were supposed to be my friend.

How could I tell myself to move on if you kissed me when you shouldn't have?

I don't want to go back to those times were love was just a game for us. Because it isn't for me anymore. As you said: "I know that you will hate me when I do this." I hate you, yes, because you just had to ruin everything again, leaving me with this hole in my heart and this butterflies in my stomach.

Love is like playing with fire. You have to be careful.

You just keep cracking my heart over and over again. But I just can't keep myself away from you. Because every little silence of yours, makes me love you more. You just listen to me, you listen every single word.

I thank god for you being part of my life because you are the only one that understands me and lived what im living. You are the only one that makes me feel this way. You are my black soul and I just miss you so much. And even though sometimes you are so stupid and I want to punch you straight in the face, I love you. But it keeps being impossible and I'm sorry for that.

I hope you understand.
I just had to get this out of my heart.