A Weird Monologue

Part 1: Starting Off

I guess I can start off with a bit of an introduction about who and what I am.

I'm a 15yr old boy living in a the northern part of a very industrial city. I am not much to look at, since I fit the hispanic stereotype, but leaving out the drugs and the criminal affiliation. I'm an average guy with black hair, burgundy eyes, and a husky figure that could be considered stereotypical.

Unlike my generation, I grew up trying to make myself mature in order to hang out with my siblings. Considering that my brother and sister are old enough to be my teen parents, growing up was interesting. I had a passion for baseball at a young age, but I grew out of it due to my generation.

I'm a Weird kid, and I've met druggies and all sorts of strange crap. I'm pretty sure I'm one of those kids who could strike up a conversation with any adult and we would be friends afterwards. As you should have noticed, I don't like to consider myself part of  this generation. I'm not as arrogant as my fellow peers and I don't have the same sense of drive as them either. I am literally the most obvious outcast at my school, but everyone respects me.

I wasn't a kid who talked much, sure I'd make small talk, but I wasn't very open to things. Granted, this lead me to being good at improvising. (Which is what you see now) One thing that always bothered me was how well I could understand people. Little did I know, this would be a blessing and a curse. I was also skilled at analyzing things; it was something I wasn't too proud of, but very existent in my life.

So my empathy was something too behold when I saw its potential. I found this out through multiple instances that tore up my little world and how easy it was to use against me. (Strange and cruel world out there) Empathy became "friendship" and that led me to have trust issues at a very young age. (Whoop Di Doo) But I was a tough kid, it was difficult to earn my trust so it was rough losing everything to fake friends.

So here's how I'm ending this little vent thing. The one thing I've always wanted in my meager existence, was something to look forward to everyday. I learned how easily I can get attached to things, but I do my best to keep my distance. I don't usually open up to people unless they need fixing. (Empathy takes a toll on your humanity) So me being weak and worried is rare. That doesn't mean I don't have a heart, it's just a little harder to notice. I hate my selflessness, its too pure. And in times like these, a good guy will always go down in flames.

So if your out there calling me a little bi*&h and a failed abortion, oh well. I've suffered long enough to know how fickle people can be. And does it really cost so much to have a little sunshine in life? Meh, I dont even know if I could handle a happy ending.

This is Marshall Hanson signing off for now. I will be updating this.

(2.3.15)