Wolf Tracks

Chapter Forty Two

“I killed her,” Rowan said softly. I stiffened and jumped to my feet, spinning around to face her. I hadn’t heard her approach, and I was too distracted to notice her change in emotional state through the bond. Oh god. She heard all of it, didn’t she? 

“It was me that killed Dr. Kristoff.” She crossed the room and knelt down in front of Terra, gently taking her hands. Terra looked between my sister and I, brow furrowed in confusion. I closed my eyes, wishing that she had stayed asleep. I just wanted to protect her. I would’ve carried the burden of Dr. Kristoff’s death to my grave if it meant that Rowan wouldn’t have to. I would’ve let Terra hate me for the rest of our lives if that’s what it took. 

“I’m so sorry, Terra,” Rowan continued, her voice thick with emotion. “Sloane and Shea were fighting, and Dr. Kristoff was trying to call for more Hunters. Two had already come down in the elevator. They attacked me and I killed them before they could call for backup. All three of them. I slashed the throats of the Hunters and broke the doctor’s neck. It was a quick and painless death, but that doesn’t excuse my actions. All I knew of her was her involvement with Sloane and the deaths of our parents. I never considered that she might have done anything good in her life, that she had a family. I don’t ask for your forgiveness, nor do I think it can be given. I just want you to know that I’m so, so sorry.”

    There was silence for a moment and a soft sniffle before Terra spoke, her voice barely above a whisper. “I forgive you. I’m just sorry that you had to go through all of that. I hadn’t seen my mother since she left my dad and I without a word when I was a teenager. I knew she was cold, but I never knew she was a monster. I’m sorry.”

    I stood still, keeping my eyes closed so I couldn’t see their reactions. I didn’t want to see that they were angry with me, or worse, that they weren’t mad at me at all. I was purposely avoiding focusing on the pack bond between myself and the others, because that way I wouldn’t have to deal with whatever emotions I felt from them.

    “Shea, why did you let me think that you had killed her?” Terra asked. I could hear the frown in her voice, and I ducked my head guiltily, looking down at the floor by my feet.

    “Because I was afraid that you would hate Rowan for it. She’s a good person, far better than I could ever be,” I said, looking up at my sister. She looked at me in surprise. “I just wanted to protect you.”

    “I appreciate it, Shea,” Rowan replied tiredly. “But I need to face the consequences of my own actions. There are some burdens that you cannot bear, and you carry enough guilt as it is.”

    I flinched and looked down at my feet. I did carry a lot of guilt for my actions; it sat heavily on my chest to the point where some moments it hurt to breathe, and it felt like I would be crushed under the weight of it. What was one more death, one more drop of blood in the sea of red that coated my hands. I was damned enough already, and I felt that no amount of good deeds could make up for the bad I’ve done. But if I could carry just one of Rowan’s burdens, maybe I could still do some good, even if it wouldn’t be enough to mean that I was good. I would carry the guilt of a thousand deaths if it meant that my sister wouldn’t have to.

    Rowan gave Terra a quick hug and left the room without another word, shutting the door behind her. 

I closed my eyes. I had wanted to spare Rowan, but I ended up making both her and Terra feel worse instead. I could feel the frustration and shame that poured through the pack bond between us, and guilt twisted inside me. No matter what I did, I always seemed to make things worse.

I didn’t want to meet Terra’s eyes, so I started walking towards the door to the hallway. I paused in front of where Terra still sat at the end of the bed.