Castiel had never been one to argue with a good road trip. Driving in a car was to him a very odd way to travel, yet he couldn't help but love the smell of the old leather seats and the hum of the engine. To him the speed was slow even as the vehicle propelled them through space.
It had been a while since he had properly gotten out of the bunker. Babysitting Jack was a full time job and leaving anyone alone with Sam meant something will definitely blow up, but same had insisted that Cas and Dean needed a break from saving the world. Dean had claimed that Sam just wanted alone time with Eileen. Dean didn't argue though, merely grumbled as he and Cas climbed into the front seat of baby and drove off down the high way. Cas noticed the crease on Dean's face, his thinking face.
"Dean what is it?" Cas asked worry just hinting in his voice.
"Nothing, I'm just thinking of where to go... I hadn't really thought about it until now" Dean smiled to himself, the wrinkles near his eyes stitched together "I've got an idea, do you remember...when you said I watch the bees" Dean said in a mock Cas voice "..and you even showed up on my car, naked, and covered in bees".
Cas thought of this. It felt so long ago.
"Yes I do remember this. What does that have to do with your idea?" Cas squinted and tilted his head trying to figure it out.
"Well I'm going to take you to some where where you can watch the bees in a way" this statement made Cas even more confused but he could sense Dean wouldn't give anymore away.
They drove for awhile until finally Cas watched as a sign that read Topeka passed by.
"I think I remember Sam telling me about a case here, two djin right?"
"Oh yeah, damn I forgot about that one. That was a case with Charlie I believe" Dean pictured the version of Charlie that was practically his sister, not the new one that though they had grown close it was not the same.
"I'm sorry I hadn't been there for you Dean-"
"Hey! Don't give me that, we've been over it a thousand times over Cas. You don't owe me an apology, got it? If anything I owe you a thousand. You've saved my ass more times than I can count or care to admit" Dean's voice was uneven though he tried his best to hide it. Cas's long lost words ran over and over in his head I left, but you didn't stop me. Before Dean could continue he finally saw the sign he was looking for. He pulled into the parking lot that had a sign that read Washington Creek Lavender. Cas could smell the fresh flowers through the open window. He understood Dean's words now. As they got out of the car Cas approached one of the rows of the purple field. Buzzing a long was a bubble bee, it's rear was covered in pollen and it bumped into flowers clumsily. Dean came up behind Cas and rested a hand on his shoulder.
"So what do you think huggy bear?" Dean asked squeeze Cas's shoulder a bit. Cas felt sudden swell of being at home. There he was in a field of flowers surrounded by god's beautiful creatures, and he had Dean at his side.
"I am, very happy. It's all very beautiful. Looking out on this tiny plane of existence, it bewilders me on how anyone would want to destroy it"
"Well Cas people are douche bags. Not you though, some how you managed to be besties with the one age who wanted to be in team free will. It's hard to believe that we had met in that barn so many years ago. Did I ever apologize for stabbing you?" Cas now turned to Dean.
"You never needed to. I know you now. I'm used to your way of keeping people safe. I'd like to think though,that you ask questions and stab later" Cas's attempt at comedy didn't pass by Dean. Dean let out a low chuckle and looked out at the flowers.
"I missed you Cas, I still can't believe you're back. When Lucifer-I thought for sure that you had run out of lives. But Jack,he brought you back home. I think I'll owe him that favor for the rest of my life. I see him differently now. Before I only saw Lucifer in him, but now, now I see you. He's a good kid Cas" Cas smiled at this new found love for Jack.
"I miss you too Dean. In a way having Jack around makes our odd group complete doesn't it?" Dean laughed then looked down to his boots.
"Hah, I think you are right. Sam has definitely gone in full mother bear mode for the kid"
"That is one of the reasons it wasn't so hard to sacrifice myself. I knew Jack would have you too. I guess I didn't realize that I was hurting you in the process. I can hear it when you talk about it" Cas's gaze never left Dean's face.
"I had to carry you Cas. I had to burn you. I wasn't upset because of some abandonment issues, I was upset because-" Dean swallowed the lump forming in his throat.
"Because I thought I'd lost you forever. Despite how much of a douche you can be, living without you wasn't an option. I realized that being with out you made me just like how I was when my dad was around. I was a dick to Sam and too poor Jack. I just saw his father, but now, all I see is you. You and those eyes like the sky. I've lost you so many times in the past it helped me to realize I can't go on without you. Once you came into my life I was changed forever. I don't care if the world ending a thousand times was gods-Chucks plan, this is real. What I feel in my heart is real. The pain I feel when you leave and I worry you won't come back is real. The swell of joy I feel when you smile or laugh at a crappy joke is real. We are real Cas. I feel that with every bone in body" tears were making their way down Dean's face. Cas thumbed away the trail it left behind and inhaled deeply trying to collect his thoughts. The man he always looked up to, rebelled for, was laying his heart out for him. He worried words couldn't do his feelings justice.
"Dean Winchester, my righteous man, the Louise to my Thelma, I've never doubted for a second that what we have is real. I've told you we have a profound bond. I tried so hard for so long to keep doing the right thing but I always messed up and yet threw it all you always stood by me. Any time I need safety , I can never repay that. When Hester said The very touch of you corrupts, I never believed it, because the way I see it you make everything better. I'd be glad if I could just be a bit like you. Dean-" Castiel was interrupted by Dean embracing him in a hug, Cas surrendered to this simple act of kindness and love. Dean felt like Cas's arms hugging him back were like tape holding him together. He never wanted the moment to end "Dean I love you, I always have and I always will. I've lived for so long and yet I didn't start to feel like I was really living till I met you" Castiel whispered to him. Mixed with the strong smell of lavender and the humming of the bees the whole scenario felt like a dream.
"I-I love you too Cas, thank you"
