❤✨You Are Loved!✨❤

I can't sleep(and a long vent)

Tw: Panic attacks and depression talk

It's 3:52am right now and I can't sleep. I mean I normally can't but still- i'lI normally can't sleep for different reasons like dogs barking, panic attacks, loud noises, the house settling (downside to living in a really old home😅) and other things. But tonight I can't figure out why I'm not sleepy. Maybe it's my depression? I dunno also sorry for the sad-ish page! This weird little book is supposed to be a uplifter😅..Anyway I saw some people are actually read this book! Which is a total shock to me! So thank you so much for that! Uh anyway..Warning it's gonna get a bit sad here! So today I didn't want to get out of bed I just wanted to fall asleep and just not move..dont get me wrong I wanted to get up I really did but I just kinda don't see the point..? But I have that thought all the time ("what's the point?") So I've been trying to think of reasons to get up! Like to pet my cat or to see the freshly fallen snow outside! That helps some..i also think about this book! If I don't get up I can't put stuff down in this book! Not that anything I put in this book is the least bit coherent- but it gives me some happiness which is hard to come by. Knowing some people are actually taking the time to read my rambles means alot! Even if they only read for a second😊

Tw: Loneliness

I'm a pretty lonely person many of my friends have dropped me due to my personality. People often say I'm weird or too quite at times. But that's ok! We just didn't click friends come and go and that's just life. I have a hard time making friends since I'm unbelievably awkward😅 I have severe social anxiety and can't keep eye contact for the life of me! Another reason why I don't make making friends is my skin condition which is an extreme case of A topic dermatitis (aka Eczema) I'm missing 2 essential oils in my skin I was supposed to be born with..Im a textbook case which is really embarrassing. When I go to the doctors they say "Oh wow I've never been a case so bad! May I take a look?" Not fun stuff😅..then there's the people who are totally freaked out by it which really hurts to hear..i never talk about my skin since I hate it. The condition only really effects my hands and feet though..im constantly itchy and often can't walk due to the pain. Well that was some ramble..Anyway! My point is I don't come across friends often and that's where the internet comes in! Discord and of course wattpad is where I feel comfortable and is where I make friends! Plus people here are much more accepting than the people I met face to face. Okie that's probably enough venting..! Thank you for reading this I hope you have a good day/night!