Shayna's Diary

Chapter 4

The train came to a stop in Paris, France. It was still a bit disorienting to be waking up in a country that was not my own. Quickly we picked up our bags and stepped off the train. Thankfully the Bernays had family here that would take us in until we are able to escape to America. We took a train to their home in the south. Their home was close to the woods and would be hidden for the most part. Upon arrival the Rousseau family greeted us warmly and then ushered us into their living room. Their home was very big and spacious. Mrs. Rousseau or Dina as she wanted us to call her, showed us our rooms and went off with the mothers to go prepare dinner but before leaving she showed us a newspaper article that had arrived the day before yesterday. The Nazi's had begun moving people into concentration camps. This was not a good sign. It only proved how bad things had gotten since we had left less than four weeks before.

The men went into the sitting room to discuss our next plan of action while I went up to my room, pulling Nate with me. We sat down on my bed and talked about how suddenly we had left everything behind. I wondered if anyone had noticed that we were not in the house when they bombed it. I wondered if anyone missed us. Suddenly I felt small and vulnerable. I wondered how this was going to affect us when we got older. Would we die? Get caught? Be sent to concentration camps? We had nothing out there for us. This hatred of Jews was not benefitting anyone but Hitler at the moment. Thinking about it I finally realized that all of this nonsense would not benefit anybody. Not even the Nazis because eventually someone will have to come help us. Hopefully...If not...does that mean that we all die for nothing? Just because of our relligious views?

"Shhhhhh, Its okay Shay." That's when I realized that I had begun crying. But I couldn't stop. All the pent up anger, confusion, and frustration left me through streams of tears that soaked his shirt as he held me close. I took comfort in his arms and just cried. He said nothing. He didn't need to because he understood. He was being strong for me, while I was sitting here just bawling my eyes out. I became even more angry and found myself crying harder. In that moment I truly hated myself. How could I sit here and cry while I take refuge in someone who needs me as much as I need him?

As I contemplated this, it suddenly hit me that it was not myself whom I hated. It was the Nazis. I hated them for taking away my home. For causing us so much pain and heartbreak. I reiterated everything I had been thinking out loud to Nate. "I know Shara. All we can do now is protect each other and get to safety. As long as we have each other and our families, everything will be okay." Stubbornly, I refused to just let it go. "How will everything be okay?" I asked. "All of these innocent people are dying for nothing! Men, women, and children being massacred for nothing! What if we had not left in time? What would have happened to us? To Freda and Tamar?" Sighing, Nate just pulled me closer and said, "I don't know but you have to have faith. Our people will be rescued soon. Just keep faith. Everything will be okay."

"I love you Shayna Raisa Gilbert."

"As I love you, Nathaniel Jacob Bernay."

Just then Tamar came into the room to tell me that dinner was ready. "Shara dinner is-"I looked up to see her standing in the doorway a look of confusion and shock gracing her angelic face. "Why are you crying?" she asked. I quickly wiped my face not wanting her to worry about me. I wanted to be strong for her and support her and everyone else. No, I needed to be strong for them. I told her it was nothing and that Nate and I would be down soon. Reluctantly, she left obviously not believing me. Before leaving the room Nate once again reminded me that he would do everything he could to protect me. Looking into his deep blue eyes, I believed him. We slowly made our way to the kitchen for dinner. I immediately spotted Tamar and Freda playing on the ground with a couple of colorful building blocks. She looked up at me as we passed by but thankfully she did not bring up the subject of my crying again and for that I was grateful.

In the newspaper the next morning it was reported that over 1.3 million Jews had been killed already. 1.3 million of our brothers and sisters had been murdered and no one was doing anything about it. This time I couldn't hold the sob that escaped my mouth as I started to cry. Memories of my friends, the people we went to church with and our neighbors filled my mind and I just gave in to the mental torture. How many of them had been people I had known, had seen, and had spoken to. The killing of the innocents brought me to my knees as I wept on the ground. I felt strong hands wrap around me but I paid them no attention. I couldn't feel or think or speak. All I could do was mourn these people who had their lives ripped away from them. After a while I got myself under control and started praying. It was the first prayer I had said since we left home.